I think my favorite holiday of the year has to be Mother’s Day. It’s great to be acknowledged on your birthday, and Christmas is a fabulous holiday, both spiritually and in terms of family sharing. But Mother’s Day is the day we moms get to be honored for our role in shaping young lives. I absolutely love being a Mom and consider this to be my greatest contribution during my lifetime. I have no problems intertwining my identity with my role as someone’s mom. There’s a bumper sticker sitting on my desk that says “Significant Mother”!


The flip side, however, is that Mother’s Day is an attachment-affected child’s least favorite holiday. On this day, they are being asked to honor and appreciate someone who wants from them what they can’t or won’t deliver—intimacy, accountability, love. Honoring a mom—any mom—can be one heck of a challenge when some other mom left you, or worse—abused or neglected you. Kids that are angry at the first mom (or their many moms) are all too able to transfer that anger to the “mom at hand”, making any celebration of that person quite difficult.


On the other hand, a mom who is giving her all to a kid who isn’t responding has every right to expect that on one day out of the year, someone will notice. I know of many moms who consider Mother’s Day to be their least favorite holiday, because their difficult kids are so effective in ruining the day. It can be very, very hard to contain your resentment at how things unfolded in your family, especially when you can look around on that day and see other families—normal families—basking in family love and harmony.


I was always extremely fortunate to have kids who did give back tenfold. Kids who filled my tank and made me feel like an appreciated mother. And my husband has always done a beautiful job of celebrating Mother’s Day. I have had my share of awkward moments with kids who didn’t participate or did so clearly as an obligation and not with any genuine emotion. I have had those moments at all holidays—Christmas, birthday and Mother’s Day.


For those of you with Significant Others, print out this post and encourage that person to make an extra effort to show you appreciation on that day. For you single moms, do something for yourself on that day, and honor yourself as the awesome mom you are, even if your kids don’t get it. Rejoice in your healthy kids and, like me, keep a kernel of hope in your soul that someday, sometime, your disturbed children will realize how hard you worked on their behalf and how much you love them.


More thoughts coming on this… advice from other moms and some of my Mother's Day cards...


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