It’s a balmy 21 degrees outside (feels like 10 degrees) and soon I will bundle up and take the dogs for a walk. They don’t care how cold it is …they still want their action. This picture is on the front of our homemade Christmas card. Just like Hallmark, right?


We decorated the Christmas tree this morning … my husband, Dora, Beth and me. This was Dora’s first time decorating a Christmas tree. She thinks our holiday traditions and decorations are pretty cool. Of course, as we hung up the ornaments, there were many of them with pictures of all the kids growing up. This year I’ll make sure Dora has a picture ornament on the tree, too.


Therapy last Friday was intense and emotional. Dora expressed enthusiastic anticipation of therapy and articulated that she liked therapy! (I wondered if we were doing something wrong???) Susan, the therapist, and I visited for quite awhile before we got started … talking about other ATN cases and stuff in general. Dora had been nailed right before therapy for letting five muddy-pawed dogs in the house without a thought for the consequences. Muddy footprints were everywhere and she cleaned up before and after therapy. So her mood was a bit sour, and as the therapist and I talked, Dora squirmed and wiggled and hummed and hawed over in her chair.


Eventually we directed our attention to her, and Susan inquired as to why Dora had been so pointed in showing us her back? Dora mumbled an answer, didn’t speak up when warned, and soon had Susan in the chair with her … in order to hear her better, of course. It took almost nothing before the cork popped and this child began crying and crying and crying. Susan plopped Dora in my lap and the crying continued. With minimal prompting from Susan, Dora was able to say, “I need you, Mama!” Clearly, Dora had been processing our conversations over the previous few days. Everything was right below the surface and took very little effort to access.


We have really not had a purging session like that for quite some time. We had sessions like that the first few weeks when her grief was acute, but then she began stuffing her feelings again. Susan believes (as do I) that Dora is beginning to give me her heart. Susan speculates that I might be the first person ever to receive Dora’s unbridled trust. Susan and I discussed the fact that Dora really needs to create who she is and who she will become from here on out … because Susan and I both believe Dora has been so fakey for so long, there really isn’t a core person there yet. I don’t believe Dora has ever experienced a belly laugh. How sad is that?