Wow. I got a little teary eyed reading that. Good for Dora for taking those small steps letting you in.

FYI, Nancy, the apple/onion analogy is Foster Clines--from his 1979 self-published books Understanding and Treating the Difficult Child and Understanding and Treating the Severely Disturbed Child.

Must be why I like it then, Pat!

I have an apple and an onion and the apple sure is sweet once you get through the skin. The onion makes my eyes water on a regular basis.

Glad Dora let her guard down.

Its odd how you are often going through the same things with Dora as I am going through them with J....despite their age differences. I think he's also been in our home about the same amount of time that Dora's been with you. He moved in at the end of August.

I had a hard day yesterday, and it was entirely my own fault. And no one else really understands. And once again I log in to read your blog and find my "problem" staring right back at me.

You say "Besides, we all know how a girl that plays hard to get is much more interesting to a guy than a gal who throws herself at him and offers everything up!"

I stink at this sometimes....well alot of times....partly because I am so pushy. My DH TOLD me recently to back off, quit pushing, play hard to get. I KNOW you are both right. But sometimes I just fail to execute. I am a human being, and sometimes as I Mom, I just want to be needed by J. Its hard to shut down those emotions.

We went to our first family counseling session last night with the new family counselor. J was supposed to be 15 minutes late because he was finishing up wrestling. In a typically passive-aggressive move, he managed to dwadle and showed up 55 minutes late. But once he got there, she stayed a bit late and did manage to get him to talk a bit.

But it was the same stuff we've heard before. That he has no family...doesn't want a family. That he doesn't "do" love. She asked him how he felt about Coach and I and his response was "I like them okay." She asked him what he liked about living with us, and his response was that it was nice not having to move around from place to place. That's about the most we've heard from him as far as indicating he wanted or planned to stay with us long term.

When we got home that night, I asked him if he wanted to watch a movie with me, and he said yes. And I just had some a strong "want" to share some of that closeness that we had for a while together during his honeymoon period. Its been a long time since he's sat by me while we watched a movie, or put his head in my lap. Its really the only way he's ever shown me any affection or vulerability.

He sat by himself in a recliner, and I sat on the couch. We watched about half the movie that way. He was fidgeting and restless. I asked him if he wanted to come and sit by me on the couch. I put the feelers out...took a risk....pushed. He politiely declined. He wasn't mean or ugly....just clearly not going to let those walls down.

After the movie was over, I sat down in his line of sight. I told him that I'm a human being, that as a Mom sometimes I want to be needed. That when he rejects me it hurts my feelings. He asked why just watching a movie with me wasn't enough. I told him that I missed the closeness we shared when he sat by my or put his head in my lap. I asked him if he could tell me why he did that for a while, but wouldn't any more. He didn't have an answer.

So we just sat there in silence for a few minutes. I was sitting in a posture that clearly expressed my hurt feelings. And eventually he asks "Why do you let the little things bother you so much?"

I have thought about that question alot since he asked it. Both about what it meant that he asked it, and about my answer.

I don't think I did a very good job last night. I let him have power over my emotions, and what's worse I let him KNOW it. I didn't play hard to get....showed my own vulnerability. I wasn't a velvet lined steel box last night...I was made of tin...I crumpled. Sometimes I don't know if I'm strong enough to do this.

apples not only have a core, but there are seeds available for planting. well worth it to plow through that tough skin!

Did not realize that originated from Foster Cline. cool!

I've been thinking about it and decided that LuLu is either a pomegranate or a watermelon - very hard skin, lots of seeds, rather unique, a very "different" core.