How did your reality differ from your perception of how this "adventure" would play out?

My perception was one of youth and naiveté. I knew I was a good mom, Joe was a good dad, we had a loving family and so I believed if I just loved these children enough—that would be everything we needed. I am a Christian so I also believed that God would supply our needs and offer us protection. I had no doubts—no reservations, just innocence and enthusiasm.

What was the impact on your marriage?

Joe and I have always had a strong intimate marriage but the truth is—there is nothing like the rest of the world coming against you to make you cling one to the other. We have not only survived this journey—we have grown from it.


What was your perception of the impact on your bio or healthy kids?

They had to learn the truth—that in the eyes of Social Services, the family courts and therapists, their lives were somehow not as important as the adopted children. Their needs were often overlooked as county agencies see success and failure only through the eyes of the child they have placed—not through the eyes of the entire family. This caused only more resentment—they already received less attention than the disruptive children. They began to believe that their lives—their childhoods—were somehow not as valuable.


How did your extended family respond?

It is difficult for us as adoptive families and we live with the situation every day. It is far more difficult for extended family members to understand when they have limited involvement with the children. As we all know, RAD children and adolescents classified as psychopathic can easily maintain for short periods of time. They may present in a far different way at family function than they do at home. Often, extended family can be judgmental because of this lack of understanding. Our extended family, like most, was confused and the advice they offered lacked understanding. I think that situations like ours and others from whom I have heard tend to be divisive in our relationships with extended family members.

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