There is a thread going on the FRUA forum about the speed (and enthusiasm) with which adopted Eastern European kids do (or don’t) embrace learning English. I was instantly in a time warp, transported back 13 years ago to when Tommy first arrived from South America at age nine.


Since Amy was very young when she joined us, we didn’t have a frame of reference for how quickly Tommy would learn English. Certainly, he arrived speaking Spanish and no English.


I clearly remember one day driving Stephanie to gymnastics practice—a regular, daily routine. I was “drilling” him on English words, because up to that point he was not communicating well. I pointed to a house as we passed by and said, “What’s that?” He played dumb. It was a house, mind you. Even people who spoke no Spanish could probably conjure up “casa” if asked to say the Spanish word for house. Here Tommy had been living in a house for months at this point… and I was absolutely, positively sure he knew what I was asking.


I remember dropping Stephanie off, and then losing it. Absolutely losing it. I was so angry at him… and this was just the beginning. I remember really getting in his face and telling him, “Fine. You don’t speak English? No problem for me, big problem for you!” (Nice Love and Logic answer, but too bad I didn’t omit the losing it part first…)


I didn’t say a word the whole trip home. Amazingly enough, we hadn’t been home long when Tommy received a phone call from a girl at school! This was a very rare event—I think it had to do with some class party or event. Anyway, I just handed him the phone, smiled and walked away! He was, of course, completely lost and unable to understand or respond to her very well. Hard enough face to face—nearly impossible on the phone. But I didn’t lay down the rules, he did.


Amy was much younger when she came but she, too, used language as a control battle. She mumbled and whispered for years until we just quit responding if we didn’t understand her the first time. She mumbled (partly out of developing such bad diction habits) until not very long ago.


I have seen families resort to sign language because the kid is so effective at playing dumb—when they want to! Think of the power a manipulating child gains when he has conned his parents into using sign language! While I completely agree some kids have language and processing issues, and perhaps hearing and speech issues, many kids love the power they have when they play dumb about their new language and the parents fall all over themselves trying to “teach” the child English. If your gut tells you your kid “gets it”, he probably does. Don’t sell your instincts short.


ASL sign from http://www.lifeprint.com/asl101/