I thoroughly enjoyed Mary’s recent post about setting limits, and the joys and struggles of integrating new but older kids into the family. The same kinds of dynamics are going on at my house. Lots of “taken for granted” rules that the other kids know that Dora doesn’t … some of which are related to setting boundaries around attachment issues, and some of which are just “this is the way we do it here.”


Dora loves to barge ahead when we walk, attempting to drag me forward as well. Not going to happen. She has been repeatedly corrected by both my husband and myself, and required to walk next to us or slightly behind. She bolted off the plane several times, having no clue where she was going, and mowing down other passengers in her wake.


During the conference, she was constantly weaving in and out of the table, around the ATN banners, etc. Things were crowded and there were laptop cords and coffee cups and other landmines in the area. Some of her activity was anxiety and stress related, and some of it was just being a squirrelly 9-year-old. Beth was her own brand of squirrelly, and several times I growled at them, just as Mary described growling at her kids. It was especially true on Thursday, the first day of the conference, as we had to be downstairs setting up our booth by 6:30 AM our time, and we were tired from our flight. I was admittedly tired and I had business to conduct.


I heard later from a friend that he had overheard a couple of parents talking (with three other parents listening in) and I was criticized for snapping at my kids. I guess as the founder and Executive Director of ATN, I am not allowed to be human or ever raise my voice at my kids. Lucky for Mary she got grouchy at home. Sure, in a perfect world I'd be a model mom when I am in public. But this is far from a perfect world.


I wonder if those same parents were outside my door the night I was up late (after networking all day) holding two wailing girls on my chest? Or during the four hours of therapy we did with Dora? Or during the 45 minutes I spent with Beth after spending two hours in therapy with Dora, because Dora managed to offload her angst onto Beth before I could intervene, and Beth was melting down? Did they see that part? I doubt it.

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