Yesterday morning I dropped off the puppy, Gracie, at my vet friend’s clinic … she was spayed. (Boy, it is sure different than 25 years ago!) One would think with as many dogs as I have running around here, I wouldn’t miss just one, especially short term. But going back to Katherine Leslie’s “measure behavior on two different scales—positive and negative”, I have to say Gracie is pretty much a positive, and when she is not here, her absence is noted.


So now I am sitting here wondering whether or not to type the next thoughts that came to my mind … which were how acutely aware I was and I am that I don’t miss Amy. I had a mom tell me the other day how she was sad that she wasn’t sad about her child being gone. I totally get that. And least you or I feel like a bad parent because we say we don’t miss our suck-you-dry kids, it completely goes back to Katherine’s positive/negative thing. I miss my puppy because she fills my tank in a positive way and doesn’t drain it in a negative way. I have to pick up after her, and spend money on her and care for her when she rips open her leg, and be responsible for her routine medical care—but she greets me happily in the morning, was part of the pack that literally knocked me on the floor when I returned from being gone for a week, and she exudes contentment with her lot in life.


Sadly, I couldn’t say that about Amy. I was “greeted” with a pout or a frown every day for years and years, and the energy poured into Amy vastly exceeded any kind of payoff at all. Why would I miss that? And isn’t it incredibly sad that we ended like that? But do you think for a moment that I was the first parent who was relieved to emancipate a child? I doubt it. I know parents of bio, adopted, and step kids who were extremely relieved when that magic age of 18 was reached.


There are many folks who don't know "what to do with me" because I articulate less-than-warm-and-fuzzy sentiments about some of the tougher aspects of adoption. But really, what I am saying here is that it is human nature to enjoy that which is enjoyable and avoid that which should be avoided! (Unless, of course, you have such a low opinion of yourself that you live life punishing yourself for your perceived misdeeds ... much like many of our kids do.) I don't care what relationship you are considering--marriage, parent/child, human/animal or friend to friend ... if it isn't healthy and positive and fulfilling, you aren't going to feel the same about it as you do one that is meeting your needs in a healthy way. That's just a fact!


My original intent was to let Gracie hang out at the vet clinic most of the day to recuperate, at the same time avoiding the rough-and-tumble environment of all the other dogs. But I miss her too much, so we’re heading out to get her. I'll meet her needs by keeping her safe and quiet!