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As we all know, there ARE no “Beaver Cleaver” families. Two parent households where one parent stays home full time are no longer the norm in America. Many children live in “blended” families, or with single parents, perhaps spending significant time in daycare. Still, many of these children are thriving. If they were fortunate enough to develop a strong attachment to a nurturing parent, they are reasonably resilient and able to navigate the ups and downs of life with minimal distress. Attachments can be “good enough”—they don’t have to be perfect! And which of us comes into parenting without our OWN attachment issues? I am the farthest thing from June Cleaver you will ever find!
When a child has a dependable caregiver, together the two of them participate in the development of basic trust. The infant or child has a need…and they express their need. When they cry, or wave their arms, or their face contorts in a silent scream, they are signaling they are hungry, wet, cold, tired, afraid, or whatever! When their “request for assistance” is met by the same one (or two) caretakers, and met in a kind, predictable and effective manner, the child learns:
• The world is basically a friendly place and will meet my needs
• I have some impact on those around me, for when I call they come—I am NOT invisible or unimportant
• The people who come can read my cues and understand my needs—I am important to them
Recently my local newspaper ran an article about the impact of the methamphetamine epidemic on the number of children in foster care. How effective would a mom who is high on meth be in responding to her baby’s cues? What kind of message about the value of that child was she sending every time she got high while pregnant? And what kind of physical damage was she doing in addition to the emotional damage?
