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There have been some awesome answers to my query on the FRUA Board. I must admit, I had a two-fold reason for asking… actually more than two reasons. I really wanted to hear how parents 
defined “successful attachment” in their homes. I wanted the folks who remain in that denial stage to hear how other people define attachment, as I am often discounted as way too overzealous. (Perhaps I am, but I know what happens when you continue to live in that river called De-Nile.) I wanted to stimulate discussion around the topic of attachment, and I wanted the attachment-engaged parents to step back and assess their own progress. I think all those things were accomplished, and the resulting discussion was excellent.
In addition to cessation or lessening of symptoms described on many lists of behaviors exhibited by poorly attached children, here are some additional ideas on what attuned parents consider signs their child is attaching or has attached:
* Talks about us and uses stories of us during his play (talking to himself and playing w/ his Little People)
* Is generally happy with few tantrums
* She ‘uses’ me to help her solve the same kinds of problems that I remember using my mother for. For our first several years she tried to solve everything herself.
* If I promise to do something and I forget, she demands that I follow through. Before she never followed up because she really didn’t expect me to do what I had promised.
At one point I interjected with a post describing one criterion I use in assessing a child’s “attachment health”… how much staying power they have. Here is what I said: “If the kid really doesn’t BELIEVE you are safe or WANT you to be their parent yet, they will also believe they MUST WIN or they MIGHT DIE. A kid that is buying into you but just needs proof you are still “on duty” will be less dedicated to the battle.” Responses following this comment included:
* Not taking things to the extreme as described above.
* Having a good sense of humor with the ability to laugh at herself.
* Sensitivity to my needs…such as putting my feet up when they are tired, bringing me a pillow, etc.
* Wants me to tell her a story about myself every night before she falls asleep.
There were many other great posts, and as soon as I have permission to share some of the other comments, I will! What do you all think of this list?
It is great to hear the specific little details that each parent has discovered in their child. You can’t get that kind of info from a book! It makes it easier for others to connect the broader descriptions of a child who is healing to the real thing as seen by parents who have been through it. Can’t wait to hear more!
Nancy — agree with the sensitivity to others. Funny story — Dave and I were resting, watching TV. LuLu hovering. I said — go get the lotion and rub some on my feet. She says “Can I really?” Now that’s attached.
Dave is still laughing about how thrilled she was to give me a foot massage!!!!!