Birth moms are repeatedly criticized for being negative and angry. Unfortunately, those two emotions are common amongst many birth moms. Loss does not = happiness. Just as some of your tough issues do not translate into blogging about happy times. Reality isn't always happy. Some people NEED or want everyone to be happy - it is unrealistic to expect that.

It seems that the reader writing you an email was at first in denial and now is angry. So after some time this reader might arrive in acceptance perhaps. I think your blog is great because it does exactly that - provokes thinking and growth.
Yep

Like a train wreck, I just couldn't look away. Somehow I'm not surprised to return to find that myself and your email critic are vilified. You're just never wrong, Nancy, are you? And your cheerleaders back you up all the way. I give you credit for strong self-esteem. Perhaps you should alter the link that says "Leave a comment" to read "Leave a comment but only if you're in full agreement, not to express any opposing points of view because they're not welcome here." I give you no power over me, to take away my hope or anything else. I simply choose not to buy into the negativity.

You're right. This is your reality. I still fail to see how it is helpful to the large majority of adoptive parents who are working with attachment challenged children. Why is it so wrong of me to express sympathy and concern for Amy?

I guess the difference between us is that I believe that a mother's love is unconditional.

In dealing with my daughter's attachment issues, I recognized early on that a big part of the problem was that I had not attached to her and I worked like heck to do that. That made a big difference in our relationship even if nothing about her own behavior changed. Sadly, though you pepper your blogs with "but I love her" your other words and actions speak differently to me. And if it's so clear to me who doesn't even know you, it must be very clear to Amy.

I'm dealing with a different sort of family crisis right now. I have a sister--in her late 40's--who has not lived the sort of life I'd want for her, that I would live or that I approve of. Like your daughter, she's made a ton of bad choices. And real life is delivering the consequences big time. She lost the love of her life last year and now is in the process of losing everything she has--her home, her job, her pets. Yet I cannot FATHOM the idea that my family would let her go to a homeless shelter. I can't even imagine it. To ME, that's not something a loving family does.

That's how I feel. That's what I think. And it's every bit as valid as the rest of you, except I don't get paid to write a blog.

OK...bullet-proof vest donned...ready, aim, fire.

If we weren't all crazy...we'd all go insane -- the great philospher, Jimmy Buffett

Loving mom-likely it isn't clear in Nancy's blogs but she also worked like heck over the years to attach to Amy. I know, I was there for much of it. You have no idea what she poured into her over and over again, I do.

As a mom of attachment disordered children, I see the need to see both the hope and the letting go.
I worked hard with my kids as well. Some of them, like Amy, chose not to accept what was offered to them-or maybe they couldn't. Either way, they have to live is THIS world.

I don't want to just read rose colored successful attachment stories. It has been hard to watch my children enter adulthood unprepared for the world. I don't want to hear that all other kids are great and fine. It helps that Nancy and others are willing to share their grief and loss of hope for a child so that I and others like me, don't have to grieve alone.

This hurts. I believe many kids can learn to attach and lead healthy lives. But there are many like Amy and like 2 of my sons that will take other less healthy paths despite how much they are loved and cared for by their parents.

Lucy