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When a child is in an out of home placement, it can be very difficult for a parent to get answers or be kept in the loop with information.
As I blogged earlier, my son is in a residential placement. He has been there for just over six months and apparently the staff is looking at transitioning him into a step down home. However, I did not learn this from anyone on our team, but instead from my son.
Today I contacted his counselor to find out if he is truly moving and if so, when it might be. I did learn that the counselor and the county worker are discussing this potential move with my son, but my husband and I have been left out of these discussions and decisions. We’re just the parents, we don’t need to know these things, do we?
Parents have to be strong advocates for their kids and get assertive if necessary. I have learned how to be assertive and get the answers that I need. When it comes to my kids, don’t mess with me. You will find out exactly how forceful I can be.
Our story is no different from so many other families. Parents have to hound staff to get answers about their child. We find out that things have been done that we have not approved, have not been consulted on, or have to work with people we have never met.
As I was writing this blog, I received a call from my son and I got a slightly better idea of the time frame involved, but the top two people involved in his case have yet to contact me with the necessary information about my son’s move.
As parents we should not have to fish for information on our kids. Information should be freely and promptly shared, but that is not the reality we live in. In some states you don’t get to retain control or guardianship of your child. That belongs to the state or county social services department. If that is the case, your rights are very limited. In our case, we are still the legal guardians, so a change in placement has to be approved by us. I do not think that my son can succeed at home, but I also will not approve a placement that I have not had a part in. I make it a point to research the school district, the type of home or center he will be in, whether we will be transporting him for psychiatrist appointments and so on. I am actively involved and we have been through this many times.
When parents don’t know their rights, it can be very frustrating and overwhelming. Sometimes parents are afraid to speak up and get the information they are entitled to. Don’t ever be afraid to speak up. You know your child better than anyone, and everyone on your child’s team should value your input.
I have a son who will be turning 18 in Dec. He has longed to have contact with his birth family. His Case worker never allowed it and yet when he came to us he was older and knew the rules but hated the court ruleing even though his parents gave him up. Now he is graduating this year and contact is his option- I can’t fight him. I love him but he won’t let me love him to close ly or will he let the familey get to close to him phyicically. he is a gift giver and has a servents heart but will turn on you in a second. Will run a way if he thinks you are unfair. this up and down of emotions has been tough on the whole family. All 5 kids want to include him but he messes it up!
We want him to concect with up with Birth parents because he has an Idealist dream for them but will he reach out to them like he think. He won’t to anyone else, why them?
Our sixteen-year-old son is in a temporry placement. He hs informed the staff there that he never wants to come home. He has told me that our adoption of him is just papers and that we are not his parents. I called to talk with him last nightand he refused to come to the phone.
I know that he blames everything on us. I also am concerned that he maybe doesn’t have the capacity to love or accept love. We have a meeting on Friday with all the services that are working with him (a CASSP meeting) and at this meeting it will be determined where he lives.
I know what you mean about this being difficult for the whole family. We have four other children that are affected by whta he does. I never dreamed that we would have these problems in our family. Love is not enough for some of these children.
I have a 15 yr son that we just put in a week long inpatient program. He wants to live anywhere but with us. He even told us that jail would be better. He thinks if we move out of the house and leave him with his brother and sister that all their problems would be over. He even said at the assessment that he didn’t have a problem. We were the problem. He called the police on my husband to try to get him arrested. He has gotten violent with my 13 yr son and my husband. My daughter is so scared that she has withdrawn from talking to most of us and will not sleep at night. I can’t say that I sleep very well either. This week that he is in care has been very nice for us all but we worry about what will happen once he is back. Can there really be a difference?