Continued from here ...

I told him that few kids had experienced the degree of support and effort in and towards their lives that Amy had experienced. I told him that she was no where near willing to pick up the reins for her own life, and if he did, he would one day find himself in the position of having to do exactly what he was fighting so hard against right now … leave her to be responsible for herself … or not …


I gave him a brief history of her unwillingness to make any decisions regarding her own life, including getting a job, getting an apartment, getting anything or doing anything for herself. I briefly detailed all the effort that had gone into helping her have a healthy approach to herself and to life … and how she had systematically thumbed her nose at those efforts. She had told him that we “turned our backs on her” because she changed her mind about the Navy. I said that was not true—while it was true we thought the Navy was a great choice for her, we didn’t change anything about our approach when she ditched on that commitment. He had apparently seen the card I gave Amy celebrating her decision to join the Navy, and he acknowledged that degree of enthusiasm and support from us didn’t fit with what she had said. (I think he had already noticed some discrepancies between what she said and her actual reality …) At one point this quiet young man shared with me that his dad had abandoned him … so you can imagine how Amy’s stories were impacting him. I assured him that no one had abandoned her—quite the opposite, that I had worked far harder on her life than she ever had.


Several times he stated, “I don’t want to be disrespectful, but I can’t leave her knowing she has no place to be after Friday.” I told him he had to do what he had to do, but if he facilitated finding her some place (and I have no idea how or what he thinks he will find) he was actually only delaying the inevitable … that when that place ran out of time, he or someone else would find themselves facing the same crisis. I stressed that he really was not doing her a service by enabling her … by fixing her problem and allowing her to take no responsibility for it. From her position, she's quite happy that if she is to be homeless, she will at least not be alone and someone else will be there calling the shots ... and she can continue with her mantra of "Whatever happens, happens."

To be continued ...

Apartment wanted, Part Three

Donning my asbestos suit

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