Beth and I had a wonderful visit with her first adoptive family last night. I’ll call them “Diane” and “Tim”. Beth had some misgivings earlier in the day. I gave her the option of cancelling, but she stuck with our plans to go. It was her idea to initiate the visit. I understood that she was nervous about it. We did a few errands in the late afternoon and then headed over to their house for pizza. We brought dessert … home made éclairs.


I was expecting it to be a bit awkward at first, for all of us—but it wasn’t. Very quickly we picked up where we left off a couple of years ago. After Beth came to live with us, we saw her first adoptive family once or twice between November of 1999 (when she came to live with us) and August of 2000 (when we moved to Illinois.) After that, we looked them up sometimes when we visited, which was fairly often … we saw them at least once every year to eighteen months. We hadn’t managed to get together since we moved back to Kansas from Illinois, mostly because of weddings, moving and other life events.


We ate pizza and Beth was quiet, which is unusual. She didn’t appear nervous, but I don’t think she knew what to say, either. After dinner the kids took off to play … Beth, “Amber” (9) and “Steve” (almost 8). They played for several hours, stopping only to eat éclairs. Steve was an infant when Beth came to live with us, and Amber wasn’t very old either. They “remember” Beth from conversations and subsequent visits. Beth told me on the way home that Steve showed her a bracelet that had Amber and Beth’s names on it … something Diane had made when the girls were babies and before Steve made his appearance.


I had a great time talking with Diane and Tim. We discussed Beth at great length … they were impressed and pleased with how she looked. Clearly she is happy and thriving. We reminisced about how things were 8 years ago. They wanted to know about Steph and Kyle and Marie … and of course we discussed Amy. Apparently Diane’s brother is “doing the Amy thing” and running from his issues and blaming the world for his troubles. He’s not adopted, either! But baggage is baggage, right? We also talked a lot about this next impending adoption … what that might mean for Beth, and what both the disrupting family and the disrupted child were experiencing.


I think the evening went very well and I think everyone was glad we got together. The next time we’ll gather at our house, and it won’t be two years in between like it was this time. I’m really glad we keep connected and I sincerely believe it helps Beth feel more valued. Clearly her first adoptive family made a decision that was in her best interests. It was pretty awesome to see Beth's picture on the refrigerator, too!

Some difficulties in adoption -- a teenager's thoughts

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