Dora had the best day yesterday that she has had in a long while. As I mentioned previously, she was much more relaxed after purging her feelings while moving manure. We had a good talk during our rocking time that evening, and apparently, she listened. Among other things, I told her there was no way around the pain … only through it. Face it, deal with it, move past it … or live indefinitely with it unsuccessfully buried somewhere within. I also told her for every day she considered her options but did nothing, it was another day wasted … a day that could never be recaptured.


She awoke yesterday morning in a much more relaxed state and a much better mood. She simply exploded with the news after school that she had received a 94% on her states and capitols test. (Later in the evening, she credited her good test score for putting her in a good mood, but it started before the test. It was just another success that day.)


She brushed my hair as a mutually agreed upon method of “giving back” and then we took Beth to swim practice. As we did errands, we continued with a conversation we had started at home. Before we left, Dora had volunteered that she knew the answer to her therapy homework—who was she really mad at—and she shared the answer with me. Her first adoptive mom. (Eventually we’ll get around to more discussion about her China mom, no doubt also the recipient of some anger.) Dora said it was very painful just to say the answer. I agreed.


As we were driving around and doing errands, I once again told her the story of how Beth had made a voluntary decision to “put her eggs in my basket”, three months into her placement with us, and at the age of three. I shared how much of a risk it was for Beth, and how much of a risk it was for me, after being rejected all those years by the older kids.


Dora asked, “Do you still have pain about that?”


Immediately, the pain welled up inside of me, and I replied, “Yes, I still have a great deal of pain about that.” My words were superfluous, as my tear-filled eyes and emotionally laden voice said all that needed to be said. Those nuances were not lost on Dora, who commented later at dinner … “You sounded like you were going to cry!”


I pointed out to Dora that although I still had the pain over those lost relationships, I allowed myself to grieve as necessary, and I was still quite able to rejoice in my successful relationships. The pain hadn't gone away, but it lessens with time and it doesn't prevent me from being happy.


Dora’s good mood and relaxed attitude continued throughout the evening. I commented on her degree of relaxation, and she said, “Relaxed feels much better!” She is pondering the re-placement of her doll. We are going to discuss it in therapy tomorrow.


She is dressed to the nines this morning as she heads to school for the Nutcracker Ballet field trip. I French braided her hair, and Beth lent a Christmas sweater to the occasion. Here’s hoping the good mood lasts long enough for Dora to want to build upon it.


Armchair therapy Part Three ... Eggs in the basket