Apparently, Beth was wrestling with more than just hormones last night. She was moody again this morning and barely made it out the door to catch her bus. When she came in the house after school, I was in the rocking chair with Dora, whose mood had also tanked about mid-afternoon. I wasn’t sure how Beth would feel, walking in and seeing me in “her” rocking chair with Dora. Beth had homework to do, so she sat down at the kitchen table and started to work. She didn’t seem too troubled by Dora sitting with me in the rocking chair.


I was dead tired again today and not in a very good mood myself. I’m not proud of how grumpy and short-tempered I was in the brief two hours I got to spend with Beth between school and swim practice. I dropped her off at practice and managed to drag myself home and get dinner on the table. My husband returned from a business trip, ate dinner and went to bed, apparently ill. I rocked Dora and got her into bed and then went back to get Beth at swim practice.


Of course we had already eaten, but I joined Beth at the dinner table to keep her company while she ate. She was happy with her performance at swim practice and was relaxed and ready to talk. She immediately launched into an explanation of why she has been so grumpy and moody lately.


Beth started by telling me how she had noticed the sad look on Dora’s face when she returned home from school. Beth went on to say she has been struggling with her desire to “be a better big sister” conflicting with her own adjustments to sharing her space, plus the adjustment to school and swimming again. Beth went on to state that while she herself had not had an ideal beginning, she was younger than Dora when she joined our family, and she "had it better" than Dora.


We talked about ways that Beth can support Dora without even using words. I told her by simply hugging Dora or sitting beside her, Beth was sending a message of support. I explained to Beth that Dora was still missing her mom, while at the same time Dora was feeling much safer and more understood in our home. Like many foster and adopted children, I think what Dora really wants is for me to meld into her other adoptive mom (and maybe even her birthmom) and somehow become one. Beth immediately related to that feeling!


I asked Beth what I could do that would be most helpful to her when she was moody and irritable. She answered I should just let her have some space to figure out what she was feeling and to be in the right mood to discuss it. But at the same time she acknowledged that the first few moments after I back off, she thinks, "Man, she's not there for me, she's leaving me alone to deal with it!" I told her that was my biggest concern about not pushing past her bad mood, but that I sensed last night that she needed to figure some things out on her own.


I continue to be blown away by the insight, emotional maturity, giving nature and all around awesomeness of Beth. I had no hint that she was going to come home from swimming and lay this on me. Especially after I hadn’t been much of a mom-of-the-year candidate after school and before swimming! I can’t imagine that Dora could find a better role model, confidant and friend than Beth.