I thought I was done with my “It can’t be all the parents’ fault” rant, but I guess I’m not. My family is on a road trip this weekend. Since I am a captive audience in the car, I like to catch up with folks on the phone. I learned during my nine hour drive to Illinois yesterday that one of ADN’s moms was taken to task by her therapist for having had an emotional (albeit a bit over-the-top) reaction to something her child did. And then the therapist proceeded to tell her that if this mom didn’t hang out with all those negative folks on ADN, she wouldn’t have overreacted. Really? I hadn’t realized we were such a bad influence.


What really transpired was that this mom discussed her reaction on one of our listserves, (where she received support, suggestions and sympathy) and then took it a step further and continued to process her responses with a handpicked half dozen women (from the listserve) who participated in an online discussion and further supported this mom… while helping her see why her daughter responded the way she did. So, no, it wasn’t a “bitch and moan” session, and no, we didn’t carte blanche accept whatever she did, but yes, we did support her and yes, she did get help and understanding about both her reaction and her daughter’s.


So if someone attends, say, a cancer support group meeting, are they only allowed to talk about sweetness and sunshine? What about a group for parents whose child died? Or even a group like RESOLVE that supports people struggling with infertility? Are they only allowed to talk about happy things? What is the definition of a support group anyway? Consider what it says here…

Support groups are an informal resource that attempts to provide healing components to a variety of problems and challenges. An informal support outside of family, friends, or professionals often provides greater understanding, more similarity (from individuals experiencing similar life events), an opportunity for empathy and altruism, and a sense of identity for participants. Learning new ways to handle challenges, cope with changes, and maintain new behaviors are all important aspects of the support group experience.


A characteristic unique to support groups is the mutual support members are able to provide one another. This support and validation from other group members help facilitate personal growth and change in a way that individual therapy cannot. Although experts and professionals can provide support and positive direction, the mutual exchange of information between group members is a powerful experience that often induces lasting change.

ADN started because a therapist… my children’s therapist, who happened to be one of the founding members of ATTACh way back when… purposefully connected me with two other moms. He recognized the need for parent-to-parent support. He apparently didn’t think we would be a bad influence on each other. And ten years later, look at us now!

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