I read the FRUA board often. Yesterday on one of ADN’s listserves (not FRUA), a mom (who has an adopted Eastern European child) stated, “I think Russian adoption and RAD are synonymous.” We laughed about the need for an asbestos suit if she posted that on the FRUA site. In all honesty, in the year or 18 months that I have been haunting that board, I have seen some shifting towards a willingness to address attachment. But as Nancy Ashe so eloquently stated last week in her keynote speech, so much depends on your frame of reference.


I read the board this morning and I am always struck by the posts that talk about some huge personality shift that seemingly occurs overnight in a child. Mom and Dad bring home little Sweetums (Nancy Thomas’s favorite moniker) when she is a year old. She is wonderful, delightful, without challenge until she is four, and then overnight she is a wild child. The other responses posted thus far all say not to worry, this is "age and stage" stuff. I don’t get this. I understand “age and stage” as I have parented numerous children. But this is a little weird.


What I hear (and bear in mind my frame of reference) is that Sweetums has had issues all along, but they are far less disruptive when she isn’t mobile or isn’t verbal or isn’t expected to take her show on the road. And as Sweetums marches down the path of development (assuming she’s not completely emotionally stuck and just her body is growing) she expects more and more guidance, input and structure from her parents. It is much easier to structure life for a toddler than a more independent-thinking preschooler or school age child. More choices equal more risk and more vulnerability… a direction children with attachment issues are loath to go. So they act out. They didn’t become a different kid overnight… they are just showing more and more of their true colors.


When I was in veterinary practice, I would often get folks in with old dogs who were sure their dog “went deaf last night.” The truth is, Fido was going deaf for quite some time but managed to compensate for awhile, until the degree of deafness was so complete the dog could hear nothing. It appeared the deafness was sudden, when in reality it just meant the disability exceeded the dog’s ability to adapt to it.