This is going to be a “hodgepodge” post where I just wrap up some “stuff” that I have addressed of late.


For starters, minutes after I posted my last blog, fellow blogger Holly Richardson posted how she was motivated to join ADN because she was “swimming not just alone, but with a bunch of sharks who are SURE it's all my fault, cause dang, those kids are so CUTE!” This comment immediately brought to mind the Focus on the Family presentation yesterday that discussed Reactive Attachment Disorder with Nancy Thomas and one of the counselors for Focus on the Family. You can listen to it here… it really was well done. It was NOT a “warm and fuzzy” glossing over of living with disturbed kids. You can buy a CD for $9 and it might be worth it to give to folks who just refuse to hear what you are saying otherwise. And more than once it was mentioned how CUTE and CHARMING these kids can be, but also how MANIPULATIVE and PURPOSEFUL they can be. I was really quite surprised, because it is becoming less and less “acceptable” these days to say anything that remotely suggests our emotionally disturbed kids might actually do some of their behaviors on purpose, or with malice of forethought.


Granted, we all understand our kids respond the way they do because of their histories and disrupted attachments. Isn’t it Deb Hage who says, “They act the way they act because they think the way they think…”? But just because they think the way they think because of abusive or neglectful histories doesn’t mean they don’t think the way they think!!! Meaning they DO make purposeful decisions to turn our lives upside down. There, I said it. Shocking! Put me away!


Of course, they also have many behaviors that drive us crazy even though the child isn’t specifically doing those behaviors for that reason… some are truly just bad coping mechanisms…


Another hodgepodge comment I want to make is about ADN’s listserves. I am a member of many, many listserves, and I have yet to find another group of parents more respectful, more gentle, more understanding, more supportive, or more “fun to be around” on any other list. Julie was telling me about an education list she is on where they just bash and berate each other on a daily basis. You don’t see any of that on ADN’s lists. No flaming, nothing. No kidding. If a parent posts something that other parents think might be a bit out of bounds, the “straying” parent is gently enticed back into the fold. It is amazing to watch. And parents are not booted from our lists, because even if they are responding less than ideally, how are they going to move in a better direction if they are kicked out of the community and left to fend for themselves? Our parents have developed such a sense of community that there are now face-to-face meetings occurring across the country. It really is cool.


All of our listmates will have a chance to really rock and roll together at the conference. If you are tired of fighting sharks on your own, come meet some other barracudas! (Or Rottweilers, as the case may be.... did you look closely at the picture?)

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