I’m going to interrupt my homeschooling series to address the poignant comment and many questions posted by Bipette regarding the teen boy living in her home right now. Please read the comment in its entirety here.


I’m going to start by describing a situation I experienced and how it played out in my family. I have briefly blogged about this family here. When my family lived in Indiana, we sold our house and built our first home; during the building time we lived in an apartment complex. At the complex we met this alcoholic mom and her kids. Over time, I learned the dad had died, and the mom had five kids she was “parenting” (and I use that term very, very loosely.) The oldest boy was already in the Boy’s School on charges of “messing with his sisters.” The second oldest boy busied himself by making out with his girlfriend on our air-conditioning unit and scratching cars with his keys. Shortly after we met the family, he headed to the Boy’s School as well.


There were three girls, ages 8, 10 and 12 when we met them. We first met the younger two—the older one was stuck at home answering phone calls for their mom … probably “customers.” To make a very long story short, we became extensively involved with these girls over the next three years. When we moved from Indiana to Kansas in January of ’94, I was concerned about the trajectories their lives would take. My concerns were well warranted.


Early in 1998 we learned that the middle girl, Kathy, was in the Girl’s School with no place to go. The younger girl was AWOL from the Girl’s School (and was being aided in avoiding the police by their mom) and the older girl was well into her baby-making career. After careful consideration, we moved Kathy in with us in May of 1998. She was 17 years old, way behind academically, hardened from years of street life, sexual abuse, rejection, abandonment and loss issues—you name it, she had it. However, by this time, you name it, I’d lived it … and I wasn’t interested in revisiting some of that stuff. My husband and I laid down firm and fast rules. We were doing this to help her out … not to benefit us. She was not to steal, wreak havoc and undermine our efforts. Our requirements were fairly simple … she must be invested in her own life and responsible for making the changes. I didn’t say the requirements were easy … but they were fair and straightforward.


She bombed out in six months. She did nothing to take advantage of what was offered. She wasn’t much interested in change. She lied constantly, ran away, stole, and was damaging to the other kids. She returned to the Girl’s School that October, after blowing out while I was at the ATTACh conference that year.


I last checked on the family a few years ago. The oldest girl had four kids by then, but to her credit, at that point she was in a long term relationship. (In fact, she and her long-term boyfriend in many ways were supporting the other kids.) Kathy was about 22 or 23 when I saw her a few years ago, and she was on the road in an 18-wheeler with her new boyfriend and her two toddlers. The youngest girl (about 21 years old) was just getting out of the hospital after having her second child and she was homeless. The younger of the two boys traded the Boy’s School for a longer lock-up for armed robbery, and he had two kids. All in all, a complete disaster.


I wrote about the family in this part of my story.


Coming up next, how does this apply to Bipette’s situation and what would I suggest?


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