Awhile back one of my readers posted a question that I tucked away for a future response… and the time is now. She wanted to know what to do about screaming fits. Here is her question…

The screaming fits? Really let them go? Today it was, "turn off the light!!!" for about 15 minutes, literally screaming bloody murder. One, the light wasn't on it was the fan, two, he could've done it himself and three, I would've done it if asked in a normal tone of voice. One worry I have is how much it torments the other kids. Thoughts on this?

One of my favorite approaches for this kind of thing is to “predict the behavior.” This kind of fit is usually thrown for effect, for control, and to aggravate the rest of the family. (A fit that is really a meltdown over something real or some unexpected or scary emotional response requires different interventions…another topic for another day.) For the controlling fits, if the scenario allows for it, I would give the child permission to throw the fit. For instance, I might say,

“Honey, I’d like you to clean your room tonight. But before you do, I really want you to throw a humdinger fit, so I know you heard me! Really get into it… on the floor, kick your legs, and provide long and loud sound effects, ok? That way, I’ll know you know what I want you to do! Ready, set, GO!”

If the child “complies” and throws a great fit, he did it YOUR way. If he is so oppositional he refuses to comply with anything, and he doesn’t throw the fit, guess what? He still did it YOUR way. Either way, it takes the control away from him… and you don’t get flustered, because you are prepared for the outcome.


If the fits come out of the clear blue, you can try something like… everyone else run get an ice cream cone when he starts a fit. Pretty soon the other kids will be saying, “Bobby, will you please throw a fit? I want some chocolate ice cream!!” Bobby doesn’t have control anymore… You can fill in the blank for what everyone else does when Bobby has his hissy fit, but make it basically the same response, and predictable. The whole idea is to be PROACTIVE, not REACTIVE. Make him wonder what you are going to do, rather than you always wondering what he is going to do!

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