As I write this, my husband and Beth are at a concert listening to Neil Sedaka. OK, that dates me. But who cares. We bought Pops concert tickets last year when we were an immediate family of three. Now we are four. Our options for tonight’s concert were: Dad and daughters; Mom and daughters; Dad, Mom and one daughter (which would be Dora because I’m not leaving her with anyone, but would leave Beth at a friend’s house). I had decided on Dad and daughters, because I am absolutely toast after a very long, hard week. Ah, but the best laid plans ... Dora’s week culminated in the meltdown of all meltdowns, and she and I both stayed home. She’s in bed now. I wonder if she is half as exhausted as I am?


My heart is breaking for this child. Yes, she is tripping my mom triggers! Her realization that she is truly separated from a mother to whom she is attached grows on a daily basis. We have been in the rocking chair with regularity. She has quickly become a rocking devotee and will ask directly or with thinly veiled behaviors.


Her passive aggressiveness is in full bloom as her anger and sadness explode from within. For the better part of this week, Dora has stalled on her first, simple chore of the day (scooping up after the dogs) as well as stalled on schoolwork. I don’t fight her; I just let her “rest” rather than provide countless opportunities to be passive/aggressive. If I were her, I wouldn’t feel like doing much either, so I might as well just let it ride. Of course, no output = no input, therefore her days have been boring and without the opportunity to have much to say about anything. Less chatter, no choices, no freedoms. Nothing punitive … just not much fun, either.


Tonight’s episode unfolded like this …


Beth arrived home from school and sat at the kitchen table reading and eating a snack. We visited in the kitchen for awhile and I prepared a snack for Dora. I announced several times that I was soon heading to the barn to do horse chores. I left Dora eating and Beth reading, with Beth “in charge.” I was half way to the barn when Beth opened the back door and shouted at me that Dora “needed to use the bathroom!” I told Beth that Dora had not spoken up before I left and had plenty of opportunity to do so; therefore, she could wait until I returned.


Horse chores are an added stress right now with Java, the trailer-phobic gelding, sequestered in the round pen while he eats and lives around the trailer. This arrangement requires hauling water and opening several additional gates. Just one more fun thing about the week …


When I returned to the kitchen, I asked Beth why she thought Dora had waited until I left to announce her need to potty? Of course, Dora was sitting right there. I walked Beth through the manipulation behind the timing of the request. I had been dealing with this type of behavior all week and I didn’t want it spilling over to Beth. I suggested that perhaps given Dora’s behavior (which was a reflection of her feelings) it might be a better plan for Beth and her dad to have some one-on-one time tonight without a snarky little sister along. Getting called on her behavior as well as losing the opportunity to attend the concert was the final straw for this sad and angry child. Dora lost it. She declared she “didn’t want a sister”.


More coming, as well as my thoughts about how to get some benefit out of “tantrums”.

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