I have been writing about the unfolding of a situation in my personal life that has a high probability of resulting in another placement in my family. I have been in regular communication with a family who is disrupting a child. While I was most definitely not looking for another child, the circumstances in this situation are unique and I am not closing the door to the possibility.


In this post I told you how I spoke to this child’s mom on the phone, and asked her to write an email about her child that I could use to network and find another placement. When I was reading the email the day after our phone conversation, I was struck by how similar the situation was to many of the intricacies of Beth’s original placement and ultimate disruption. And anyone who has read this blog for any time at all knows what a blessing Beth has been in our lives. I showed the email to Stephanie and she read my thoughts from the expression on my face. In a repeat of our beginnings with Beth, Stephanie was all for moving forward.


Next I showed the email to my husband. I fully expected him to start laughing and tell me that was fine, but to find another husband to do it with! And I would have accepted that, because we do things as a team. Instead, he was interested! He was intrigued! He was compassionate! That is, of course, why I married him. He’s a great guy.


So we started talking about it. He left the next day for a business trip and I set about to do my research. I talked to therapist friends. I asked more questions of the placing family. I examined my own thoughts, motives and feelings. I had extensive conversations with Beth about what this would mean, or could mean, both positively and negatively. Every time I attempted to shut the door, it flew open again.


I have had many families tell me they felt “called to adopt” a certain child, or to pursue adoption in general. Many, many of the families with whom I work are strong in their faith. They believe in a bigger picture, and are not unfamiliar with the concept of giving without expecting to receive. But parenting is different. It is 24/7, 7 days a week, for years and years and years. It isn't something you can do on a "feel like it" basis. It is incredibly difficult to give and give and give and not be resentful when you receive nothing at all, or only negative responses. It is only human to expect some payoff, of some kind, at some point. To give indefinitely and receive little or nothing in return … only one man managed that, and He wasn’t just a man.


Whoever said, “God helps those who help themselves” must have had some trials and tribulations along the way, for I think those are very accurate words. Faith alone, while incredibly important and crucial to keeping a family moving on the right track, is not necessarily enough to guarantee success. At least not in terms of what we humans consider as success. Who knows what God’s bigger plan is? We don’t always know … so perhaps one family is a conduit and another is to finish the job.


Although I somewhat feel like a 40-year-old woman who just learned she was pregnant and her currently youngest child is in middle school … I am rapidly getting excited about this. Does anyone watch Without a Trace on television? About the older couple who learned the woman was pregnant, so they got an apartment and started making plans, only she lost the baby? And how their initial shock had turned to desire, and how disappointed they were when it didn’t ultimately happen?


I believe this child has been brought to my attention for a reason. I absolutely believe, based on what I know about the child thus far, that my family would be an ideal placement for many reasons. I have no doubt I could love another child. I think, if it works, it could be a very good thing for Beth, on many fronts. It is a struggle for me to keep my usual optimism from jumping out of me at every moment. If I really let myself go on thinking about this, it will be all over.


I also know, without a doubt, that I can’t and won’t take another “flat-liner” child. There is a limit to how much therapeutic parenting I am willing and able to do at this point in my life. I have to know that this child wants to move forward, wants to embrace our family. I am not the least bit afraid of loss and grief issues, and feel more than equipped to help a child navigate those waters. It is the unwillingness or inability to take the leap that scares me. Been there, done that with Amy; can’t go there again. And I don't believe God is asking me to. I believe He expects me to approach this wisely, and in addition to asking questions, I'm praying about it extensively.


Stay tuned! Much more coming about this!


Photo Credit