Over the course of the past 17 years of parenting my now-emancipated daughter Amy, hope for the future became harder and harder to grasp. I have heard many stories about adult adoptees who finally “figured things out” when they were in their late 20’s or even in their 30’s. This was my hope, too…that even if my daughter and I never connected while she lived at home, perhaps someday she would realize what she had thrown away.

That last ditch hope was dealt a serious blow when we learned some birth family information that indicated a pattern of behavior very similar to what we had seen. I wondered what my daughter’s future held…

But she appears to be figuring things out… and apparently ahead of the 25-35 year old schedule. Case in point… can you believe this awesome birthday card that was given to me a week ago?


I have written some pretty doom-and-gloom posts about my frustration, my resentment and my anger. Once a reader accused me of “taking her hope away” which really, really cut me to the quick… until someone reminded me that this mom was responsible for holding her own hope… or not. No one can take someone else’s hope away. But, perhaps I can now offer some hope to those of you living with the Amy’s of the world. You know, this has never been about requiring her to be a nuclear physicist or play the piano or anything like that… it has been about RELATIONSHIP. And about being happy… that was my most sincere hope for her… to be happy. Once again, I am hopeful. Here is what she wrote in my birthday card…




Can you believe it? I know where we've been, but I don't know where we are going. Once again, I'm glad I am on the journey.