It’s early Sunday morning after a very late Saturday night… I am waiting on a call from the ER vet who is ultrasounding my Rottie this morning. I took Lexie to the ER last night at midnight, after returning home from a movie to find her in very poor shape. She won’t eat or drink and can’t keep down what I fed her orally with a syringe. Since I can’t sleep until I hear what the vet is finding, I might as well write my blog.

My dogs mean the world to me. They fill my tank consistently when the people in my life are not as predictable. Countless times a day I can be found on the floor loving up my dogs.

Last night at the clinic, I felt so helpless and so worthless. As has happened in the past when I have needed veterinary care for my own pets, I find myself wondering how it is that I spent so much time, money and energy getting through vet school, only to be paying someone else for my own pet’s care. I have no clinic and no clinic affiliation. I have nothing but a few syringes lying around my home. I have no accounts with labs and no ability to run blood work, take radiographs, or even give my dehydrated dog fluids. Of course, I haven’t practiced in almost 2 decades and I don’t know squat these days anyway. Compound that with the fact that what little I do remember flies out of my brain when it concerns my own pets… and I wouldn’t have much use for a clinic, now would I?

But still, I looked around at this beautiful new facility last night, staffed by veterinary specialists of all disciplines, with state-of-the-art equipment… and I remember how that used to be. I see the camaraderie the staff shared… and I briefly mourned what I had forsaken.

But I must remind myself of the camaraderie shared by my all-volunteer staff of ADN. I have to remember why it is I turned my back on vet medicine, a dream I had since the age of five years old, in favor of starting ADN. I decided there were many excellent vets in the country… but not many folks who could or would step forward to help families like mine… and yours… As I read all the notes on the bulletin board at the clinic last night -- testimonials from grateful families whose pets had received care at this facility -- I reminded myself of all the families who have been helped by ADN... and how high the stakes are when one is dealing with a child and his family.

I rarely have pity parties… not about the “what ifs” with respect to why my children did what they did, or the “what ifs” had I stayed in vet medicine. If I do have a moment of gloominess, I don’t let it hang around too long. It is not productive. So I am glad I am doing what I am doing… but I do miss what I used to do.

I am very worried about my dog, and all my instincts tell me she is in serious trouble. This is so very hard.

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