I'm filing this technique away for later. I need to dust off my copy of Love and Logic and read it again....its been a while.

I went to the Oncologist with J yesterday. He actually called me and asked if I wanted to go to lunch with him before the appointment. We had a good afternoon...did not talk about anything deep...just chit chatted.

I kept him distracted during the doctor's visit. I think he was glad that I was there.

Then I asked a favor of him. One of my cats is very old, and has been very sick for a year. When I got up yesterday morning, he was wobbly on his feet and just skin and bones. I asked J if he would go with me to the vet that night to have my kitty put to sleep. Coach is not an animal lover, and is rather insensitive about such things.

J took me to the vets last night and did a really good job. He went in with me, and then drove me home afterwards. I think it was good for J to see my vulnerable side, and to see how I handle grief and death.

When we got home, my DH DID say something stupid. I found out later that J called my husband and told him that was a bone-headed thing to say. So J was taking up for me. He really has a huge heart that he keeps hidden away.

That reminds me of an event the other day when my husband noticed that the grass outside our son's window was dead. "Did you pee out your window?" "No" said our son. Upon talking with me later, my husband found out that his bucket [Yes, he has a pee bucket!!! Which is much better than having him pee in the corners of the room, which he was doing...at least he uses the bucket!!] was moist lately, but no pee, and I still had him clean it thinking it was odd, but didn't think much else about it...He remonstrated vehemently about cleaning it. I didn't pay much attention as he has drama and I am used to drama. Then my husband notice little dots of liquid on the table in his room. Of course our son was mum in true "I-no-idea-where-that-came-from" fashion. Then we both realized that he was POURING HIS PEE out the window. . So my husband when it in the room and said "Son, I have finally CONNECTED THE DOTS!" Still bewildered, our son said "What dots?" My husband proceeded to enlighten our son and when my husband stated exactly what he was doing (i.e. pouring pee out the window) he agreed he had done that. We still need to replace sheet rock that stinks in the summer. Ah, well, we are not bored and we are loath to be bored. The next day after the "REVELATION", we were sitting at breakfast and I noticed a dog peeing on our yard and commented laconically "Oh, a dog is peeing on our yard. Well, it won't be the first time that the yard has had pee on it" My husband gave me a withering glance and our son looked at me knowingly and rather like "will-you-just-drop-it". Our daughter was not in on "the event". I had a hard time not laughing hysterically. Well, there is not limit to the situations and extracting some humor from them is, well, helpful!

patricia