Once again the comments and respectful debate over disruptions and how they should be handled has been quite prolific in the last couple of blogs. Regarding private, “underground network” placements versus agency involvement, my long-time friend Pat Johnston had this to say:

The problem is that this is nearly impossible when things are done between families, independently, rather than with the guidance of a professional standing in the middle and directing--hopefully a counseling professional whose first allegiance is to the child.


Since there are some agencies out there which DO frequently handle disruptions and re-placements, and since they would be more likely to be objective, probably more supportive, and certainly more "seasoned" than the original placing agency, I think it's in the best interests of children to use such intermediaries.

Honestly, in a perfect world I completely agree. But once again, my experience has never unfolded in a perfect world. We used the same well-known, been-around-forever national placing agency for our three direct adoptions (Tommy, Amy and the teen girl who disrupted) and the original placing agency for Beth was the same one as well. They were NO help, and actually were a huge thorn in our side.


I clearly remember hearing around the new millennium that this agency was proudly proclaiming the new position they had just created for post-adoption services (after decades of placing kids???) I couldn’t believe they were so proud of doing something they should have been doing all along!


I can’t remember the last family who approached me for help with a crisis situation who received any kind of real support from their agency. I guess there are some agencies out there that are supportive, and probably those families don’t need to contact me. So no doubt, I am dealing with a skewed population. But there are most definitely many, many families out there who got nothing but grief and condemnation from their agency. Why would anyone go back for more abuse when they are already on their knees?


As for agencies that specialize in disruptions, I use them! I send the majority of the folks who contact me to people who are experienced in disruptions. Beth and Dora stopped in my pipeline because God had other plans for them and us!


But make no mistake … private placements are accomplished above board and homestudies and Interstate Compact agreements are involved in the vast majority of situations. Therefore, social workers or local agencies are doing the homestudy. Attorneys are involved. That is most certainly not the same as a child-focused, attachment/adoption educated agency staff … but that description doesn’t apply to many, many agencies. Just because an “agency” is an agency doesn’t mean it does it right. Many of the experienced families who adopt children from disruptions know far more about what they need and where to find it than the vast majority of "providers" or "professionals" in their area. I have never sent a family to any "rehoming" agency or heavily connected individual where I had any concerns that the agency or individual would place an emotionally disturbed child in an unsuspecting home. The folks I refer families to are highly invested in the children. The same can certainly NOT be said about some agencies!


Pat Johnston also had this to say:

Sorry, Nancy S, my long time friend. I don't mean to criticize or offend or have you take this personally.

Pat, I am not being defensive, not taking this personally and I don’t disagree with you … I just happen to be in the same camp as the readers who have posted about how they long for the days of being less cynical and more naïve. I am way, way past naïve.


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