One of the toughest parts the parents of attachment-challenged children (or any child with any kind of “issues”, for that matter) face is teasing out what is age-and-stage behavior, what is because of the child’s “issues”, and what is choice/genetics/whatever.


As I have mentioned before, I have a pretty skewed reference for what is “normal” with respect to many childhood behaviors. I have two motivated, well-attached, non-traumatized and academically successful birth children; one aggressive and overtly angry adoptee; one very passive-aggressive and across-the-board unmotivated adoptee; and Beth… who falls somewhere in the middle. Some folks have suggested to me that Beth is perhaps my most “normal” child.


As I blogged about recently, we have danced the school dance far too often. So, per Dr. G’s and others’ suggestions, I have tossed the ball back to her and am watching her not even lift her arms to catch it. Oh well, I guess she’ll have to learn the hard way.


So here’s the dilemma of late… her lying. She has always struggled with this… and I am not convinced it is getting any better. Much like school issues do, her lying pushes real buttons in me. Amy has probably never told me the truth in her life. Me or anyone else, for that matter. But to see Beth lying over stupid stuff, repeatedly, in spite of numerous conversations about it… it is getting to me. I consider it a “trust issue” and that rings my chimes too.


Now I know lying is a developmental thing, and I know she’s not past the point of no return by a long shot. So I did a little research on it. I know parents of RAD kids have an extra burden to bear in this regard, as so many attachment-challenged kids lie far more easily than they tell the truth. It is precisely that fact that makes this so worrisome for me. Once again, what is normal?


I will share what I am learning in coming installments… starting with a story about my last lie as a child…

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