Yesterday, as the horrible events were unfolding at Virginia Tech, I was oblivious to it. I was presenting to over a hundred members of the Rotary Club. And this is one of the slides I was sharing… The text comes from here:

Princeton's Katherine Newman points out that, far from being "loners", the perpetrators are "joiners" whose attempts at social integration fail, that they let their thinking and even their plans be known, sometimes frequently over long periods of times. The shootings seem as though an attempt to adjust their social standing and image, from "loser" to "master of violence".

Stating once again...this slide addresses the fact that most school shooters are not “loners” but “joiners”. They are people who want to relate to others, but fail. This morning, I watched a video clip describing the “common thread” among school shooters… and what it said was they all had an “inability to deal with their rage.”


Where does such rage originate? In my talk yesterday, I talked about “blue babies”… infants who cry so vigorously in an attempt to get someone to respond that they turn blue. If they are perpetually unsuccessful, eventually they quit crying. Where does that rage go then?


It is my personal opinion, and one that I know is shared by others who acknowledge and understand the roots of attachment, that someone who is capable of systematically taking the lives of strangers—dozens of them—without any emotion or apparently any reason that relates to the victims, is a person who doesn’t grasp the concept of living in relationship with others. Something went seriously wrong in the development of that individual. How is it that they can view themselves as solo acts in the midst of society? Why do they believe that their “needs” or their rage supersedes the most basic human rights of others? Somewhere along the way they missed the message that respect and reciprocity and relationships are at the core of societal harmony. Perhaps no one gave them that message when they were forming their view of society?


A news report on right now as I write this is interviewing Neil Bernstein, a psychologist. He describes individuals who do this kind of violent act as “weird, isolated and depressed.” However, that contradicts this information and other reports I have read. Bernstein went on to say these individuals lack empathy and were often abused as children. On those points I agree.


I found myself hugging Beth repeatedly this morning. I have already fired off emails to Kyle, Marie and Stephanie… away at college themselves. I can’t, in my worst nightmare, imagine what 32+ sets of parents are feeling right now. My prayers are with them all.