I have quoted Katherine Leslie several times in this blog, including this post where she talks about measuring your child’s positive and negative behaviors on two scales instead of one. So instead of saying, “My child exhibits 60% positive behaviors and 40% negative behaviors” you could actually have a child that gets a six or seven on the negative scale and six or seven on the positive scale. Katherine believes "positive behaviors are better predictors of attachment capacity and relationship quality than negative behaviors", although she has not formally tested this theory.


Katherine divides and describes the four possibilities as follows:


The Invisible Child has low positive and low negative scores. This translates into low attachment and low relationship quality (score of one). This would be Amy. She never attacked anyone, never tried to hurt anyone, never smeared feces or shouted obscenities or ran away. She really only “attacked” herself, although not actively, usually only passively. She didn’t bathe or take care of herself, which might be considered a negative, but it had more negative impact on her than anyone else. BUT, she has few positives as well. She has little depth, barely does anything even for herself, much less anyone else … she just exists. I have often said that for her, life is something to be endured, not enjoyed.


The Incredible Child is high positive, low negative. I have several of those. They have few negative behaviors and many positive behaviors, indicating great attachments and great relationship quality (score of three). Everyone wants one or more of these kids!


The Insufferable Child has low positive, high negative scores, which often plays out as moderate attachments and moderate relationship quality (score of two).


The Eclectic Child has high positive and high negative behaviors, with an attachment and relationship quality score of two as well. Katherine believes that although these children’s negative behaviors can be problematic, families are more willing and able to persevere because the child’s positive behaviors are so rewarding.

Katherine believes parents can coach their children to develop more positive behaviors.

Where do your kids fall on this spectrum?


Photo taken at ATN conference, demonstrating Katherine's lively speaking style!