A long time ago, I heard a story of an enterprising mom who grew very weary of her son’s constant lying. One day she caught him in yet another lie, and she told him, “I owe you a lie!” Some time passed, and one day he approached her about having a bunch of his friends over on Saturday night. She readily agreed, and he invited his friends and planned his party. A short time before the party was to begin, his mom looked at him and said, “Remember that lie I owed you? I’m paying you back right now. There will be no party.” This young man had to call all his friends and make whatever excuses he made to cancel the event.


Beth is approaching 11 years old. I know that is significantly younger than a teenager, but this child is capable of being very honest and responsible. Sometimes she chooses otherwise. Two things we have gone ‘round and ‘round about are animal responsibilities and lying/integrity when mom is not looking over her shoulder.


Beth was caught yet again sneaking candy while at the conference. There was a bowl of jellybeans on the counter of the hotel. Beth was given a few opportunities to explore the hotel by herself. Bummer for her that an ATN staff member caught her with her fists in the jelly bean bowl … the staff member’s look prompted Beth to (supposedly) release her catch, only to be caught again in the elevator a few moments later with jellybeans in her mouth! Had this child come to me and asked for jellybeans, she most likely would have received permission to get some. It is the behind-my-back sneaking I won’t tolerate. When I confronted her later and asked if she had been honest and informed me that she was eating candy, she said, “You didn’t ask me!” We discussed how sneaking was akin to lying and I said perhaps I should owe her a lie.


Another phrase I have been hearing a lot lately is “I’m sorry, Mom, I should be more responsible” (but it is followed by no change in behavior at all.) She can’t seem to be bothered to do a few basic things regarding animal responsibilities that I have requested over and over and over.


Fast forward to this morning … she has choir practice before school. She needs a ride at 8 AM, before the bus comes. She often gets a ride from a neighbor, but the neighbor girl is sick. Beth appears in front of me this morning and says, “May I call (the neighbor) to see when she is coming?” I said she wouldn’t be driving. “Oh, so you’ll be taking me then?” she said. “I suppose …” I responded.


A few minutes later, Beth was ready to go to choir. I said, “What if I said, ‘I know I should drive you to choir, but I don’t want to. I’m sorry, I know I should be more responsible.’ Or what if I said, ‘You didn’t ask me to drive you to choir.’”


She said, “Yes, I did ask you!” I replied, “No, you assumed I was driving you to choir, just as I assumed you didn’t need me to ask you if you planned on sneaking candy! You didn’t ask me!”


And then I said, “Of course, I could always say I did agree to drive you to choir, and then pay you the lie I owe you. Which of these three options would you like to choose?”


“I’d like you to take me to choir …” she said.

“I’d like you to be honest and responsible,” I replied, “But it doesn't seem to matter what I want.”


I let her stew on this for a few minutes, and then gave her a hug and told her I would drive her to choir, BUT … there would be no more bail-outs and she had better remember this experience when making choices in the future. I’ll let you know if it sticks!


Photo Credit