Reactive Attachment Disorder, RAD Blog - Everybody speak up ... we need services!!

10/23/07

Everybody speak up ... we need services!!

Posted by : Nancy Spoolstra in Reactive Attachment Disorder Blog at 08:49 am , 396 words, 347 views
Categories: Post Adoption Services

I arrived home from exhibiting at the MCCA conference last night a little earlier than I expected … around 11 PM. It rained all the way there and all the way home, a special bonus to driving on dark, hilly, winding, 2-lane highways at night in the middle of Missouri. I talked at the conference non-stop for two hours … a feat even for me! I passed out lots of business cards and postcards about next year’s ATN conference. I explained why horses and zebras, what services ATN provides, and encouraged folks to buy DVD’s, especially Nancy Ashe’s amazing look inside the mind of an attachment-affected adult. Many of the people attending this conference worked at or managed residential treatment facilities. They certainly gravitated towards our table with our large banners describing the impact of trauma on the development of children.

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While I was traveling, I attempted (unsuccessfully) to connect with yet another Nancy … one of ATN’s awesome moms, who on the spur of the moment was preparing to testify before a legislative committee in Florida. The topic at hand was how Florida could improve their foster care and adoption systems. Gee, ask me that about any state and I’ll ask you how much time you have! I have testified a couple of times at hearings like this and I offered to give Nancy some pointers. We didn't manage to talk before she spoke, but she most certainly didn’t need any advice from me … she did a fabulous job!

Nancy’s story was so poignant and so well told that she attracted the attention of several reporters. The result was an article in this morning’s St. Petersburg Times. How many of you can relate to the story told here? I emailed the reporter and told her that while Nancy’s story was sure to catch the public’s attention, the truth is that many of us could tell identical tales. Nancy’s situation is not an isolated case. Unquestionably, this dilemma is not limited to Florida families, either.

It will be interesting to see how many of the conference attendees who collected information about ATN actually follow up to learn more or train their staff about attachment and trauma. It will also be interesting to see what response is generated by Nancy's story. Together we can raise our collective voices!

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11 comments

Comments, Pingbacks:

Comment from: sltgjt [Member]

I live in the Tampa Bay area and there is no help. With my stepson they told us to send him back to Ohio that he wasn't their problem because we never did an ICPC (I think that is what it is). He was here a year and a half. I also called the hotline to try and get him help but was threatened that they would arrest my DH and me and take our DD away if we gave him to cps. They said it would be abandonment. So we sent him back to foster care in Ohio were he now lives with an uncle and sees his abusers constantly. We wanted him to get help so he could be with us. We love him but couldn't afford the mental care he needed. Have you read the comments in the article. This is why nothing seems to change because people don't "get it".

Permalink 10/23/07 @ 09:14

Comment from: Sunbonnet Sue [Member]

a lot of the money earmarked for post adoption services is not being applied where it belongs.

Permalink 10/23/07 @ 10:34

Comment from: Bippette [Member]

I was really shocked at the comments at the bottom of the article. People sit in their safe and cozy worlds and think issues like RAD children do not affect them.

When one of my younger zebras was kicked out of his third daycare, I remember meeting with the board that ran the daycare. To the mortification of my husband, I yelled at them "You are worried now about MY four year old son throwing shoes at YOUR daughter. What you SHOULD be worried about is whether or not my son will rape and axe murder your daughter when they are 21 because people like YOU refused to help a wounded child."

It may affect them someday more than they know.

Permalink 10/23/07 @ 13:06

Comment from: Nancy Spoolstra [Member]

· http://attachment-disorder.adoptionblogs.com/

I had a long talk today with the reporter that wrote the article. Stay tuned!

Permalink 10/23/07 @ 13:14

Comment from: Chromesthesia [Member]

I can't believe how these people do not get it.
The system needs to change. Plain and symple, it's so obvious that it needs to be fixed. Children should not be shortchanged, adoptive parents should not be left to pick up the pieces shattered by these children's biological parents with no help from the state and blame from people who do not understand.
So much has to change, but will it? It needs to change NOW. Every state needs to step up to the plate and fix this broken system. But it's not a priority. How could it not be a priority? Should we envoke school shooters and state that if this doesn't get fixed the violence will get worse? Not in every case, but these children need HELP.

Permalink 10/23/07 @ 14:21

Comment from: lmg1567 [Member]

What struck me about the comments after the article was that no one really mentioned the bio-parents in their criticism - only the poor fool (no offense Nancy) who took this child in and tried to give him a home. What if we looked at things in a different light, such as, we consider the adoptive parents as "employees" of the state. Someone the state "approves" to raise this child - maybe then it would be a no-brainer to provide these adoptive parents the supplies (ie - therapy, respite, RTC, psychiatric placements) that they need to raise the child to adulthood and do their "job" without literally having the adoptive parents sacrifice their lives or the lives of their other children living in their homes. How many people would honestly stand up in front of a judge on adoption day and agree to this kind of existence? Because there are unknowns, it should be imperative to have a plan in place (adoption medical subsidy that is actually available and worth a darn) to help these people.

The problem is not with the adoptive parents, they're the ones who're sacrificing every sense of normalcy they've ever known. The kids are the original victims, some born with the disabilities, some abused to the point of psychiatric break, some a little of both. Either way - the bio-parents are long gone, living their lives the way they choose and we're the ones taking the crap!!

I used to tell people that we either deal with these kids when they're young and there's still a chance for recovery - or we deal with them in the judicial system for the rest of their lives - either way, it seems we'll have to pay.

Permalink 10/23/07 @ 15:37

Comment from: Lindy [Member]

It seems that the only people truly intereted in changing the way we assist adoptive parents with their wounded children is other adoptive parents. Others who are in positions to affect change don't or won't get involved to the degree necessary to understand how desparate we are. Unless you have been personally affected by the fallout of living day in and day out with a RAD child, you have absolutely no idea what is needed in the way of support. Somebody needs to listen, somebody needs to want to listen.

Permalink 10/23/07 @ 17:59

Comment from: mmarschner [Member]

I could so relate to this: "You are worried now about MY four year old son throwing shoes at YOUR daughter. What you SHOULD be worried about is whether or not my son will rape and axe murder your daughter when they are 21 because people like YOU refused to help a wounded child."

I've said things like this to my DS doctors...they looked at me like I was absoloutely insane. I didn't like the fact that I saw it in a one and half year old, but it was there.

Permalink 10/23/07 @ 22:14

Comment from: mmarschner [Member]

I can't even read those comments below the article. The make me so angry

Permalink 10/23/07 @ 22:20

Comment from: nancyb [Member]

Thank you all for your kind comments! It makes a world of difference knowing the other Moms (guess I should say parents) at ATN and reading the blogs and comments here. I owe a great debt to the other Nancy, Nancy S., for establishing such a great support system!

As for the unkind posters on the St Pete Times website, all I can say is that I am really glad (for them) that they cannot relate to our situation and cannot even begin to evaluate our situation accurately. Ignorance is bliss, right?

Also, I am so sorry that you all do have experiences with which you can relate to my family's plight. No one should have to go through this... and while I wouldn't wish this life on anyone... I'm sure glad to have the opportunity to know others who "get it."

Nancy B.

Permalink 10/23/07 @ 23:24

Comment from: sltgjt [Member]

Bippette I yelled the same type of stuff at my stepson's principal. He was blaming his behavior problems on his home life (because my stepson made up horrific lies about us) I told him that he was unsafe and was going to become a serial killer in the near future. I don't think that help his persiption of me though. I also wrote a letter to his teachers and principal telling him what our daily life was like. I know that someday my stepson will hurt somebody probably even kill, but we tried to get him help. I did a speech about my stepson for a class at school and nobody in that class had even heard of RAD. I had a picture covering the wall of my stepson with his mean I am going to kill you look. I am sure you RAD parents know the look.

Permalink 10/24/07 @ 04:02

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