I believe that often times we cross paths with people for a reason, in life. I'm sure that conversation you had with this other mother, gave her a great deal of comfort. Being heard and understood, by other parents with troubled adoptive children, is a such a precious thing.

Nancy, you were called by a higher power in my opinion, to advocate for parents with adopted children, who show symptoms of attachment disorder and trauma.

I remember close neighbors we had growing up. The family, with one bio child, ended up taking in two older step children, from the husband's previous marriage. The step-children had endured a lot of abuse from the their mother's current husband. They joined this family after living in dsyfunction for years. Our neighbor, who I will call Betty, began having major trouble with the two step children. All of the adults, including my parents, blamed Betty. All of the neighborhood parents frequently gathered at our house for get-to-togethers. As a child I over heard them accuse Betty of being too strict, not strict enough, mean, and of favoring her younger bio son, over the two step children. No one believed Betty when she reached out for support as these two children created constant havoc in her household, the school, and community. As the children approached puberty, they picked up on the fact that all of the adults in the neighbor, blamed Betty, and they ran with this for all it was worth. I played with these children, and in hindsight I know that these two children, had RAD. Betty has passed on, and I wish I could tell her today, that I understand.

If it wasn't for Nancy, ATN, and other parents willing to speak out and support other parents, I don't where we would be with our child today. At least when I'm blamed for my child's problems, I have the confidence and knowledge, to stick up for myself and attempt to educate the naysayers. If they succeed in making me feel bad, I have the support of other parents, who get it to talk with. If we had adopted 15, or 20 years, we would utterly lost. Thank you so much Nancy, Julie, other ATN members, and other parents who get it. You are paving a 5 lane thruway, out of hell, for future adoptive parents with troubled children.

Nancy is a jewel, for sure. We'll get by with a little help from our friends.....

I too, believe that people are sent to us for a reason.

And our prodigal son returned this morning...Pitiful and sick. He pulled up in front of the house about 9am. The kids noticed his car and told us. I watched through the front window, and he just sat in his car. I wasn't sure if he was coming to get the rest of his stuff or if he wanted to come back.

Coach told me to not go out there. So I didn't. He said he wanted it to be HIS choice to come back in. After about 15 minutes Coach finally went out there. J said he was sorry and he wanted to stay, and he would follow the rules. He said he was sick and was running a fever. I think he slept in his car last night. He was freezing this morning.

I hugged him, told him I was glad he was back, and dosed him up with cold medicine.

The rest of us all had places to be this morning. The little kids have ball games, and Coach had to go to practice and to watch film. We told him to sleep and rest, and we'd talk about it when everyone gets in tonight.

Any advice? Keep the same rules....act like nothing happened....start over....tighten the rules???

I'm so glad he's back...that we have another chance. But I'm trying to keep my walls in place too.

My vote.... if he says that he is willing to abide by the rules that he knows you already have, allow him to show his sincerity in doing so. The fact that he humbled himself enough to come back to you, a place that he apparently feels he is accepted and safe, is a big deal.

Don't act as if nothing happened, but allow him the opportunity to dialogue about why he left, and why he returned. Keep the lines of communication open. Use this as a learning experience to discuss his wants, needs and goals for his life, and how he has to go about achieving that.

Couldn't have said it better myself, NCOZADD. Bipette, I'm so happy for all of you!