Last weekend I received an email from a mom at her wit’s end. That in itself is no rare occurrence… but this one was a little different from the rest. Not the first one of this nature I have received, but not the usual scenario either.


This was a mom with a biological son who was born with a congenital birth defect that required several surgeries. Usually this particular problem is fairly easily corrected, but this mom’s child had the additional difficulty of having a clotting disorder as well. So the surgeries became very complicated, as did diagnosing the clotting disorder. The end result was that before her son was a year old, he was terrified of all medical personnel, all medical environments, and somewhat afraid of most all adults.


Although the astute and caring mom could see her son deteriorate emotionally before her very eyes, she found no support, no understanding, no validation and no continuity among the professionals from whom she sought advice. At one point her son was diagnosed with PTSD, but the medical professional said there was nothing she could do but wait and see. Wait and watch her son further withdraw into himself? What kind of crazy advice is that?


Now the professionals are telling her that her son is autistic. The fact that he is social and normal and plays with his peers when he is not shutting down at a doctor’s office appears to have no bearing on the opinion of those professionals. This mom reports that the doctors and professionals treat her son as a case to be studied, not a child who is perilously close to complete emotional withdrawal. After telling the staff at the dental office that her son needed to be completely asleep for any procedure, the staff person’s response was, “Oh, he had cleft palate surgery? Can I look in his mouth?” Huh? Didn’t the mom just say the child wigged out when ANYONE did ANYTHING to him?


This mom has really been on my heart these past few days. She, like all of us struggling moms, wants to do what is best for her son. All the professionals are telling her autism, meaning her son needs immediate and comprehensive intervention. Her gut, on the other hand, is telling her attachment and trauma issues, but no one will listen! If she listens to her heart, she knows she should keep him glued to her and out of all other foreign environments. But what if she is wrong, and he really is autistic, and she denies him what he needs?


I sent her to a great attachment therapy group close to her and she will hopefully be seeing them soon. Please keep this mom in your prayers. And more coming about my thoughts on how the world as a whole seems to have NO understanding of traumatized kids. Do I sound like a broken record?

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