I mentioned in this post about meeting "Mary", a most delightful adult adoptee, on my cowgirl weekend in April. As we were riding our horses past the mare and foal pasture, the conversation turned to adoption. Turns out she was adopted as an infant. And it also turns out she has attachment and/or trust issues that are impacting her ability to form healthy attachments as an adult.


I was pleased to be able to see her again on our most recent trip to Colorado. My husband had a chance to meet her as well, as we had dinner with her Sunday night (after I went barrel racing at the ranch!) and again with her and her husband on Wednesday night.


I find it very familiar and yet very fascinating to talk to Mary. Her emotions are close to the surface. I think that is too cool. I have spent enough years looking at the Ice Queen (aka Amy) to appreciate the expression of any emotions, no matter whether they are considered appropriate or not. And I certainly don’t think Mary exhibits an inappropriate range or display of emotions.


Mary readily admits that up until a year ago, she was quick to lay blame anywhere but herself if things weren’t working perfectly in her life. She admits to being manipulative and controlling in her adoptive family. She spoke of being a cheerleader and singing in the choir in high school, but being quiet and shy and essentially without any deep friendships when she wasn’t “performing” in the truest sense of the word.


She experienced additional traumas that further “layered the onion”.


And then she met and married a man she loves very much. She sees how her responses confuse him. She realizes how her responses confuse her! When we first spoke about adoption on that horseback ride in April, she wasn’t sure her issues were even related to being adopted.


When we got together again last week, I was armed with a slew of books for her to read. I suggested:


Twenty things adoptees wish their parents knew.

Adoption Healing

The Mistress's Daughter

The Secret Life of the Unborn Child


Next up I’ll share with you some thoughts that Beth put on paper and Mary’s response to Beth’s viewpoint.

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