So, October has come and gone … It has been two months since Dora’s arrival. I’m tired! Have I mentioned I’m tired? I fixed a cup of coffee before heading out with trick-or-treaters last night, just to insure I didn’t lapse into a coma before the festivities were over …


On Saturday night, Beth and Dora participated in “Trunk or Treat,” compliments of our local community organization. Dora had been so stinky the preceding week that I had decreed she could trick-or-treat one of the two times we were going out … the Trunk-or-Treat event or on Halloween night. I just decided she was going on Saturday night, and we would figure out Halloween night when it was imminent.


Apparently, Dora missed little opportunity to dagger Beth or jump in front of her or just overall be a pain. I was with the girls, but not watching super closely for that kind of behavior. A neighbor girl who was with Beth did notice Dora’s shenanigans, and the neighbor is not that astute about the fine art of passive/aggressive behavior … so Dora’s approach must have been quite intentional. I called Dora on it, and she acknowledged it was true … her “mad” was rearing its ugly head yet again. Dora was quite successful in derailing the event for Beth, and Beth’s complaining about it afterwards was unprecedented.


Fast forward a few days to last night’s Halloween festivities. Because I had only promised Dora one trick-or-treat opportunity, because I didn’t have the energy to run interference, and because too much excitement and competition was likely only setting Dora up for failure, I made the decision that Beth and I would join her friend and her friend’s mom and brother, and we five would trick-or-treat together. Dora stayed home with Dad. We had a great time, but the kids were tired and ready to quit by 8:30. Beth and I hopped in the car and headed home … and the first words out of Beth’s mouth were … “It’s too bad Dora couldn’t join us tonight.” Her tone was wistful. On the way to her friend’s house earlier that evening, Beth said something that prompted me to respond, “Some days you sound as if you want Dora out of here yesterday; other days you are excitedly making plans for the future!” Beth’s response had been, “You are a smart mom to notice that!” Right now, I’d settle for being dumb but having two girls who got along.


The thing is, I know Dora is pushing Beth’s buttons. I know it for a fact. I also know that Beth relates to Dora on a level I don’t. Beth’s natural inclination to make sure life is fair for everyone is superimposed on her intimate knowledge of the anger, loss and rejection that Dora feels.


I have struggled like crazy the past two months to meet the needs of both girls without letting either one of them go down the tubes in the process. I don’t want Beth to tattletale and complain about every wrong move Dora makes, but neither do I want to shut off Beth’s opportunities to come talk to me if she is getting the short end of the stick.


I told Beth last night that she was fast becoming the Boy Who Cried Wolf and I was fast becoming tired of it. If she really had a complaint, fine, she needed to tell me. But otherwise she needed to just deal with it, because I was tired of all the mixed messages she was sending.


Tomorrow is Beth’s first day home from school. I think this will be a far better plan. No bus time with Dora, no interactions at school that drive Beth’s prickly responses. Beth and I will hang out all day and then she will go swimming and I’ll deal with Dora.

Have I mentioned that I’m tired?


The pumpkin is my masterpiece carved for my awesome swimmer Beth. I made a similar one for Stephanie years ago that said "I love gymnastics". The words are carved in reverse on the back side of the pumpkin and projected onto the wall behind it. It was easier to discern the gymnast than it is to figure out this is a carving of a swimmer. It was a pain to carve, too! This is the image I used ...