Continuing with my discussion of disruption, perhaps it would be wise to begin with a definition of “disruption”. Technically, what I am discussing here in terms of this family is a “dissolution”, meaning the legal termination of an adoption that has been legally finalized. A dissolution is to adoption what a divorce is to marriage. A disruption is the termination of a placement that hasn’t been legally finalized, which is actually what my family experienced in the mid-90’s when we brought a teen girl over from the Philippines and six months later she returned to the custody of the placing agency and was placed in another family. We hadn’t finalized yet, but the placement “disrupted”. (I am surprised to realize I haven't blogged about that before, so that will be covered more in depth in the near future!)


Most folks use the term disruption to describe either a true disruption or a dissolution. However, most cases that come to my attention are actually dissolutions, or finalized placements that are fracturing apart.


Many people bristle at the idea that anyone should ever be allowed to disrupt or dissolve a placement. Yet those same people have sometimes experienced a divorce—a situation where they felt they could not live in harmony with another person and they terminated the arrangement, permanently. In some cases, the marriage was dissolved for safety reasons. It is no different in adoptions. While I most certainly do not advocate disruption or dissolution, I have seen far too many families buckling under the weight of a placement that is threatening to destroy the entire family. The troubled child is not thriving, and most certainly the family is not thriving. And I have seen those same difficult kids do extremely well in other families where the fit was better and perhaps the family was more prepared and realistic about what they were committing to. It happens, and rather than passing judgment or second-guessing the dynamics, it is best, in my opinion, to work with it and support all parties involved.


Next up I’ll continue my story of how my family is considering another placement.


What is disruption?


A parent's guide to adoption disruption and dissolution

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