I skimmed the recent posts this morning from one of ATN’s listserves, and several interesting things caught my eye. The first was this comment from one of the moms:

What a miserable situation to be in … that of an adoptive parent of a child with RAD and
whatever else. Boy would I like to get off the wagon and start over. I just want to yell, "HELP" to someone and have all of our situations fixed. I want these kids "healed" so that they can lead normal lives.

The second thing that jumped out at me was this article that another mom had posted: Adoptive parents of molested boys wants state to pay.


This story impacts me on so many fronts. It is about three boys in Florida who were adopted from foster care when they were 4, 5 and 6 by a couple. The father was a youth minister at that time, and the mother was a teacher and school principal. They had one young adopted son already and asked the state not to refer any kids with sexual abuse issues in the interest of keeping their young son safe.


What they ended up with are three boys who were removed from their biological family when they were an infant, one and two years old. The oldest had already been sexually abused by a male relative. Two years later they were returned to bio mom and physically abused again. And then, the boys bounced through nine foster homes, including one in which they were molested nearly every night by the foster father and then forced to molest each other. Adding huge insult to injury, there were many folks who saw many red flags with this foster family but they were still given the boys. (Do the math and you will realize how fast these boys bounced through those nine homes!)


The boys are now 15, 14 and 12 and have severe RAD. They hide knives and threaten all the adults in their environment. They have blown out of every camp and program the parents have been able to find. The oldest boy was expelled from his high school after putting a chemical in his teacher’s lip gloss and taking a knife to school. The two oldest are now in residential placement. They continue to molest each other as well as other children in their environment.


In 2000, the state paid for the family to take the boys to Colorado for attachment therapy. The state sent ahead several boxes of information describing the boys’ history but mandated that the parents could not have access to the information. The parents want to return for follow up therapy but the state says, "There's no money." How much money do you think the state will be spending on these boys going forward, as they house them in prisons for the rest of their lives?


And surprise, surprise, the parents had no idea when they first got the boys what they were getting. The caseworker acknowledged that the 2 year old had been molested but said not to worry … they had been safe in the foster care system since that time.


It isn’t hard to see that no matter how much we parents want to yell “HELP” … we aren’t going to get much and it is impossible to erase the damage that was done to our kids. It just stinks on so many fronts.



Criminal tendencies in older adopted children

Why older adopted children reject us


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