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When I first read this book, I felt that Nancy had been watching my family through a hidden camera and then wrote about it. It was the first book I was given on attachment disorder and it was the first time that I felt that I was not insane and that there was hope for my son. The sense of relief was overwhelming.
If you’re not familiar with Nancy Thomas,she is not a therapist, but is a mom who has lived with several severely emotionally disturbed children. She has lived our life.
One criticism of Nancy’s book is that it seems very regimented, bordering on abusive. This can be true because the book does not convey Nancy’s personality, love of children and fun with parenting really tough kids. To truly capture the attitude I recommend her “Mastering Steps” DVD set.You will truly get the love that you need to convey while implementing the strategies listed in “When Love is not Enough.” If you implement the strategies without love and tenderness, you will be abusive. Nancy calls it the “steel box with a velvet lining.” This refers to structure with love.
While the book is meant to be able to be used for children with all degrees of attachment issues, I find it the most helpful for children with severe attachment issues. For younger children or children on the mild end of the spectrum, not as much structure is necessary.
This book talks about how to implement some of the basic concepts in attachment parenting such as alarms on doors, holding time, helping a child feel safe and getting to basic compliance. Nancy’s practices and suggestions include how to implement Love and Logic parenting.
In addition to practical parenting tips, the book includes the signs and symptoms of attachment disorder in both infants and older children, along with a list of bonding techniques.
While I think this is a great book, there is no one “cure” for attachment disorder. Work with an attachment therapist and read other books as well. My husband and I have one child who made significant changes and another who made minimal changes. Do what works for your family, but check out this incredible resource.
Photo credit – Kelly L. Killian
I will definitley be checking this book out. We have raised one daughter who is 19 now, still having so many difficulties, and we have one more 12 at home. This is one of the least talked about subjects I can think of. Noone knows what it’s like, noone can even comprehend the amount of responsibility it takes to agree to raise someone else’s child that has been neglected and most of the time forgotten about. I am so saddened that there are so few resources for families like ours out there. Thanks for the tip on the book, I will definitley be checking this one out.
Oh, and the school that our daughter attends just brushes her aside because of her lack of “label”…she wasn’t positive at birth for drugs, so she is not drug affected as far as they see. She is a relatively easy child, and easily pushed aside. She has difficulty reading, writing, comprehending, she has the vocabulary of about a 4 year old…it really is the hardest…
Yes reactive attachment disorder is seen in many kids and teens which is great problems for parents so nowadays they are taking help of adolescent residential treatments