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One of the many good friends I connected with at the ATTACh conference was Pat Johnston, writer of many thought-provoking and insightful comments on this blog. Pat and I continued our conversation about Amy and my recent involvement in the latest chapter of Amy’s life. Pat gave me a big hug which is always a welcomed and welcoming greeting. She made it clear her concern centered on me and how much exhaustion she heard in what I was writing. She said she knows me well enough to be able to translate my words into my voice and “see” me saying it, and she could hear just how maxxed out and tired I was.
As unfortunate as her message was, the fact that she knew me that well and was that concerned about my welfare was a very special message of value and compassion … and a much appreciated one. And the truth is, she’s correct. I am exhausted, both emotionally and physically. Things will eventually get easier with Dora’s transition and emotional healing, but for now, I am tired. Pat reminded me that the last thing I needed to do was spend any energy on Amy, and I assured her that was a closed chapter on my life, at least as much as is humanly possible. No doubt there will be repeated episodes of drama, but we are no longer responsible for her in any capacity. I most certainly will not be looking to get involved, and unless she or someone who is involved with her contacts us, we will not have a clue where she is or what she is doing. And for right now, I am just fine with that. She abhors any involvement with us, so I’m all for making her happy… such as it is.
One of the awesome ATN moms and staff members with whom I spent some time this week is experiencing a very similar situation with her two daughters. They are homeless and making terrible choices and it is really difficult for this mom. Sadly, she has no other children, healthy or otherwise, to fill her tank; therefore, she is drawing upon the support and friendship she receives from other members of ATN to sustain her through this time. Additionally, she is pouring vast amounts of energy into the organization, paving the way for other parents to receive that same support in the future. Her birthday was during the conference and we managed to squeeze in a few moments to present her with some pampering body lotions and products. I’m so glad she was able to be with us for her birthday. I’m also happy to report that one of her daughters even called her, which was a big surprise. She’s a really awesome mom and she deserves the praise and recognition.
You can always count on Pat for honest feedback, no matter how hard it is to hear. I used to *NOT* be able to appreciate this about her…but can now.
I hohpe you are able to at least get enough sleep?? Self care is hard when so much of us is being demanded, and therefore all the more crucial.
Fill your tank, Nancy, rest and rejuvinate.