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My son is in his third residential treatment center in as many years. He’s also been in juvenile detention, shelter care (non-secure custody) and treatment foster care. We are familiar with transitions and start to see emerging patterns with our son.
One of the largest problems with all these placements is that they are used to dealing with parents who are not advocates for their kids. Many of the parents are not involved in their children’s lives and certainly don’t advocate for them. In all the various placements that my son has been in, I have only seen other parents a handful of times.
When we try to get answers about our son it can be quite difficult. Each of these facilities is used to doing something with the child and telling the parents about it after it is done or parents not seeking answers for or about their children.
When you are used to being an advocate for your child, you are used to having to fight for answers. Sammy is getting ready to move to the next step down in his treatment program. When or where that is going to happen, I have no idea. I would not know any of this if my son had not told me. Repeated inquiries to his current counselor have gone unanswered.
Since our kids have difficulty with transition, we have begun to see a pattern with Sammy’s behaviors. As he learns he is getting ready to move, his anger toward me increases. He is angry for every perceived slight. He lashes out at me for the loss of our two foster children, Kory and Mackenzie, due to an abuse investigation. Several weeks ago we received a letter full of this anger and I had no idea where it had come from. I had contacted Sammy’s counselor to try to figure out what was going on. He refused to discuss my son’s treatment with me on the basis of confidentiality. At no time did he indicate that my son was being prepared to change placement. I only learned this when we received a second letter from Sammy a few days later.
Had this counselor communicated with me, we could have avoided this ugly scene, but I was summarily dismissed. This is the way we are often treated by professionals who don’t understand our lives. We are seen as overprotective, hysterical, hypochondriacs and various other things. We are only advocates for our kids who we know better than anyone else. I have been called many things while advocating for my son, and I bet you have heard them as well.
We should not have to have an adversarial relationship with those that are supposed to be helping our kids, but when dealing with a child with attachment issues that seems to be the norm. Our kids can charm even the most intelligent professionals and it looks like the parents are crazy. We are anything but crazy. We work hard and fight for kids that others have given up on. Continue to fight and know that your efforts are appreciated even if no one else says it.
