Comments on: You want to Cha-Cha, I want to Tango http://attachment-disorder.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/you-want-to-cha-cha-i-want-to-tango Addresses challenges faced by parents of children with Reactive Attachment Disorder and provides news and support. Sat, 14 Nov 2009 20:16:58 -0700 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 By: Justmemom http://attachment-disorder.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/you-want-to-cha-cha-i-want-to-tango/comment-page-1#comment-242 Justmemom Sat, 19 May 2007 15:46:59 +0000 http://reactive-att.www.adoptionblogs.com/2007/05/15/you-want-to-cha-cha-i-want-to-tango#comment-242 I would venture to say that millions of bio parents feel the same way about their children. I just spent a few days with my nephew, about to graduate in the top 5% of his class from high school (amazingly) who has no ambition for anything--friends, driving, working, career. I would venture to say that millions of bio parents feel the same way about their children. I just spent a few days with my nephew, about to graduate in the top 5% of his class from high school (amazingly) who has no ambition for anything–friends, driving, working, career.

]]> By: Lindy http://attachment-disorder.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/you-want-to-cha-cha-i-want-to-tango/comment-page-1#comment-246 Lindy Thu, 17 May 2007 02:02:41 +0000 http://reactive-att.www.adoptionblogs.com/2007/05/15/you-want-to-cha-cha-i-want-to-tango#comment-246 I am already practicing the solo dance along side of my daughter. She is simply not intereted in having a partner. I used to be. I'm trying to refocus and internalize the fact that her issues are her issues. She has to have a desire to move forward. I can't coax, plead, hope or dream for her. It's so difficult to let go, but I have to for my own sanity.<br /> The only match that could have made sense in my mind was that of mob scene in the household where she could get lost and not be noticed for her lack of ambition, etc. Our household is not like that. We embraced her and she can't stand that. Her dance will be frantic, erratic and exhausting. I'm trying out the waltz. Wish me luck. I am already practicing the solo dance along side of my daughter. She is simply not intereted in having a partner. I used to be. I’m trying to refocus and internalize the fact that her issues are her issues. She has to have a desire to move forward. I can’t coax, plead, hope or dream for her. It’s so difficult to let go, but I have to for my own sanity.
The only match that could have made sense in my mind was that of mob scene in the household where she could get lost and not be noticed for her lack of ambition, etc. Our household is not like that. We embraced her and she can’t stand that. Her dance will be frantic, erratic and exhausting. I’m trying out the waltz. Wish me luck.

]]> By: Nancy Spoolstra http://attachment-disorder.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/you-want-to-cha-cha-i-want-to-tango/comment-page-1#comment-245 Nancy Spoolstra Thu, 17 May 2007 01:17:06 +0000 http://reactive-att.www.adoptionblogs.com/2007/05/15/you-want-to-cha-cha-i-want-to-tango#comment-245 I know you are right, Pat. I really, really do get that INTELLECTUALLY. I am still way behind in getting that emotionally. I know what I need to do, I just can't seem to get there yet. I wish I could. But I'm workin' on it. Writing about it helps me process it. She hasn't been out of the home that long. I am adjusting to the "new rules."<br /> <br /> I do appreciate your input! I know you are right, Pat. I really, really do get that INTELLECTUALLY. I am still way behind in getting that emotionally. I know what I need to do, I just can’t seem to get there yet. I wish I could. But I’m workin’ on it. Writing about it helps me process it. She hasn’t been out of the home that long. I am adjusting to the “new rules.”

I do appreciate your input!

]]> By: pat johnston http://attachment-disorder.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/you-want-to-cha-cha-i-want-to-tango/comment-page-1#comment-244 pat johnston Thu, 17 May 2007 01:11:29 +0000 http://reactive-att.www.adoptionblogs.com/2007/05/15/you-want-to-cha-cha-i-want-to-tango#comment-244 Well, I agree for the most part, too. But the thing is that when the "fit" is good, the expectations are so narrowed that the "clashes" aren't as numerous or as painful for either partner in the dance.<br /> <br /> And I would surmise that the other benefit of "goodness of fit" with a child like Amy and a parent like you, Nance, is that the parent with a personality like Amy's just wouldn't take her so PERSONALLY. Amy's behavior is just not about YOU, it's about AMY, and I hate o see my friend continue to feel it like daggers to the heart! Well, I agree for the most part, too. But the thing is that when the “fit” is good, the expectations are so narrowed that the “clashes” aren’t as numerous or as painful for either partner in the dance.

And I would surmise that the other benefit of “goodness of fit” with a child like Amy and a parent like you, Nance, is that the parent with a personality like Amy’s just wouldn’t take her so PERSONALLY. Amy’s behavior is just not about YOU, it’s about AMY, and I hate o see my friend continue to feel it like daggers to the heart!

]]> By: CREAMPUFF_SUGAR http://attachment-disorder.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/you-want-to-cha-cha-i-want-to-tango/comment-page-1#comment-243 CREAMPUFF_SUGAR Wed, 16 May 2007 16:36:19 +0000 http://reactive-att.www.adoptionblogs.com/2007/05/15/you-want-to-cha-cha-i-want-to-tango#comment-243 I agree with you, Nancy. Our son is faithfully taking medication that is supposed to lower his anxiety (it has) and another medication to help with his obsessive thoughts (it has) but he is now confronted with the issue of: does he want anything? He's happy to take anything without having to work for it and has magical thinking that he can be an engineer like his dad/my husband and yet at age 13 he is still working on single number addition, just like he was four years ago. We know he could do it, but he just doesn't seem to want to. Do I think he'd be different in another family? Well, I think it might be different not being adopted with his highly energetic and motivated younger sister in whose wake he seems to be content to follow in, but this is a pattern that at some level has worked for him. He wants nothing. From a talk I went to, he would be "unmanageable" from the choices of "coachable", "manageable" and "unmanageable". Why should he try if he wants nothing? While I understand personality fit to a degree, I think attachment is much more huge. Would I have become friends with some of the people in my family? No way! But I am attached to them and wouldn't give them up for the world. I agree with you, Nancy. Our son is faithfully taking medication that is supposed to lower his anxiety (it has) and another medication to help with his obsessive thoughts (it has) but he is now confronted with the issue of: does he want anything? He’s happy to take anything without having to work for it and has magical thinking that he can be an engineer like his dad/my husband and yet at age 13 he is still working on single number addition, just like he was four years ago. We know he could do it, but he just doesn’t seem to want to. Do I think he’d be different in another family? Well, I think it might be different not being adopted with his highly energetic and motivated younger sister in whose wake he seems to be content to follow in, but this is a pattern that at some level has worked for him. He wants nothing. From a talk I went to, he would be “unmanageable” from the choices of “coachable”, “manageable” and “unmanageable”. Why should he try if he wants nothing? While I understand personality fit to a degree, I think attachment is much more huge. Would I have become friends with some of the people in my family? No way! But I am attached to them and wouldn’t give them up for the world.

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