I have mentioned before that I am a fan of Reader’s Digest. I like to be able to read short bytes and not get committed to a book. The February 2008 issue arrived about a week ago. It has a wonderful article that is very helpful in addressing how we might survive life in a war zone. The article is called, The Way to Happiness; Proven tips to help you get where you want to be.

The introductory paragraph in this article states: “… happy people thrive. They’re more creative and productive, earn more money, attract more friends, enjoy better marriages, stay healthier and even outlive their grumpier peers.” Many naysayers refuse to jump on the Happiness bandwagon, saying people who feel pressured to be “happy” only add one more burden to their already overburdened lives. However, scientists who make a career of studying happiness contend that happiness is “measurable and buildable.”

I found the information presented about the “nature vs. nurture” component of happiness to be most interesting—in terms of both stressed out parents as well as the children we parent who are the source of our stress. A study of 4,000 sets of twins concluded that genetics determines about half of an individual’s “happiness quotient.” Life circumstances were determined to contribute about 10% of the input to your level of happiness, unless you were “extremely poor or gravely ill.” The remaining 40% was determined by what you do to make yourself happy … or not.

Most people think a new car, a new toy, a bigger house, or a less snarky kid would make them happier. OK, you got me on the last one. A less snarky kid WOULD make many of us happier. Researchers define “authentic happiness” to be “engagement with family, work or a passionate pursuit, and finding meaning from some higher purpose.”

I think one of the driving forces behind me starting the Attachment & Trauma Network was my need to “make lemonade out of lemons.” I needed to be able to focus my pain on some higher purpose … to get out of myself. Nothing material (new car, new anything) would come close to filling the void created by kids who were sucking me dry. Certainly, during the peak of my difficult times, my happiness quotient as impacted by the “engagement with family” component was a mixed bag. I received much pleasure and positive reinforcement from the kids who were giving back; much negative input in this area from the kids who had no clue how to engage with the family.

More thoughts coming on this, and more great tips from the article.

This article is not available online, but here is another RD article on happiness.

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